It has been a rough 24 hours. It is hard for me to even describe what is going through my mind. My great-grandma is still holding on, but I am already in mourning. I can't think straight. I am in tears nor near tears. I can no longer hide outwardly the emotions and grief I am feeling.
God has been pouring out His love in waves. There have been moments where I feel like I am really crazy. I have no capacity to think or understand anything other than the pain. But then He comes, I know He is present and and I know His peace and comfort even in all this agony.
Why does this hurt so much? My great-grandma is the glue on that side of the family. There is also a pattern, when someone dies, the family retreats away from one another to prevent more pain (which in turn creates a rift) instead of drawing together to heal. I am not just mourning for her, but also knowing it is not safe to turn to my family for comfort.
I must give praise to God for running my friends across my path in the last few days. They have listened and prayed when I myself did not know how or what to pray. I will ever praise Him!
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