Breaking this down is hard. A revelation of the past has left me dumbfounded. I want to know who is to blame and how justice can be served.

And yet Jesus knows me too well. I cannot in my own mind, my own flesh reconcile every single piece of this devastating event of the past. Instead, He pulls me nearer and speaks to my heart:

"So My power may rest on you. You don't have to do anything to reconcile this but just ask. I made all atonement for your sin and I will carry out full justice on the unrepentant. No, what happened was not fair. Let Me stand in the gap and fight the battle that only I could win. And I did win. Walk in the victory and freedom of life that I have abundantly given you. Plus don't miss this: You will testify and be my messenger of grace. Be the vessel. Stand as Mine, Beloved."

Gut Level Compassion

I know what it is like to feel the kind of love and compassion that literally I can feel in my innards. Its not a sick to the stomach feeling but rather a kind of tension that makes me need to grunt in response. No lie.

I know it sounds weird but even in the Bible it talks about the guts being the seat of the emotions.

Picking up on some generational "curses" and sins at a recent family gathering, led to a very gut wrenching trip home. There are so many events and experinces that have shaped my family members that I don't know or understand. It leaves me broken for them. I long for them to be free of the chains that keep them in hiding. And I long for them to walk in the life offered by Jesus rather than the death of a self-sufficient, Godless life.

I pray and it only comes in groans. I have been wounded deeply by some of them, but my eyes now see the attacks of Satan and the defensiveness of ones also deeply wounded. How I pray for the cycles to stop! Lord, please, let it end with me!