When he has brought out all his own, he goes before them, and the sheep follow him, for they know his voice...My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father’s hand. ~ John 10:4, 27-29

A group of friends and I were studying this week the topic of God as Shepherd. As we were discussing, it was hitting all of us how much we really are like sheep and how desperately we need a Shepherd.

See, sheep are really dumb. They are the second stupidest domesticated animal on the planet...behind humans. Sheep will freak out and run head first into a fence, and then freak out more. They are so dumb, that they won't stop to think that they could back up, and instead keep running into the fence. They need a shepherd to turn their head, so they can escape this prison of their own creation.

Shepherds also would break the leg of a sheep who had a tendency to wander off, and then carry that sheep over their shoulders, while the leg healed. It was in that time as well that a sheep would really learn their shepherd's voice.

God does the very same thing as our Shepherd. At times He will have to turn our heads to keep us from continuing our insistent head-banging. And He will also use our circumstances, where we are wounded and need to be carried to teach us His voice.

Between reading in Ezekial 34 and John 10, and listening to the stories from Ryan whose family raises sheep, the metaphor became a very real scenario. The Holy Spirit was doing some serious work in me.

I am a sheep. A particularly dumb one. I have been freaking out because of circumstances. I have a form of muscular dystrophy that my doctors have not yet been able to identify. I am losing strength and more so in the last few months than before. I am losing the ability to do things that I love, and I have been left wondering how long I would be able to pursue a career in physical education.

In the last couple of weeks, God has been coming to turn my head away from ramming the fence of being a victim of my circumstances. He has also seemed to have broken my leg, so He can carry me in this path and so I can learn intimately the intonations of His voice. To be reminded that, the Shepherd of my soul has laid down His live so that I might have eternal life. It is ill-deserved grace.

He has called me to be still and rest. Believe me, even wounded, I am dumb enough to want to run back to the fence. I'm learning His gentle and kind voice, and it is giving me courage to check into options I would have never pursued without His coaxing. I am waiting to hear back from a professor who has done research on physical education teachers with disabilities, and I am praying and waiting on whether to go after a couple other possibilities.

Yes, my Shepherd is good and kind. And I need Him desperately!

"I myself will be the shepherd of my sheep, and I myself will make them lie down, declares the Lord GOD. I will seek the lost, and I will bring back the strayed, and I will bind up the injured, and I will strengthen the weak, and the fat and the strong I will destroy. I will feed them in justice...I will make with them a covenant of peace and banish wild beasts from the land, so that they may dwell securely in the wilderness and sleep in the woods. And I will make them and the places all around my hill a blessing, and I will send down the showers in their season; they shall be showers of blessing...And they shall know that I am the LORD their God with them, and that they, the house of Israel, are my people, declares the Lord GOD. And you are my sheep, human sheep of my pasture, and I am your God, declares the Lord GOD." ~ Ezekial 34:15-16, 25-26, 30-31.

He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young.~ Isaiah 40:11

One Voice

There are two ways to live. My way or God's way. They both produce results, but what results do I want?

I was visiting at another local church than where I regularly attend, because a friend of mine was getting baptised. It was beautiful. I was in charge of taking pictures. I was so excited I was shaking.

Back to why I was writing this post. God spoke clearly to me through His servant who pastors that church. He made a point that those who follow Christ will not face life the same way, the same normal, as the rest of the world. The sermon reached into my heart where seeds had already been planted.

Quite honestly, I have been living scared. I have forgotten, in my desire to control my circumstances, to live in Christ. The power to walk through this unknown valley comes through asking for and receiving from the Holy Spirit. I am not sure what God is up to. There are so many voices telling me to do this or that so that things will work out the way I want. But as I sat there this morning, and I pushed mute button on those other voices and listened to the still small Voice, the assurance that He is with me through the grieving, the fatigue, the seemingly lost moments, and the unknown future poured over me, as my spirit surrendered once again.

Besides, after watching this, it is hard to forget for what Jesus died. That is One Voice I need to listen to.

Breaking the Cycle

There is nothing quite so suffocating as hopelessness. It comes from a cycle of thinking that there is no solution to the problem. Okay, I have a problem. And even if the solution is to rest and praise God. Okay. It means that God is still Lord. He is still at work. I can't see the answer yet. But I know God.

I thank God for a friend, who challenged me to stop focusing on the problem and seek a solution without predicting the outcome. I know the love of Christ. So by faith, I will have a couple of conversations and pray knowing that God is in control of the outcome. In that, there is hope.