Catching Up

It has been almost a week since I last posted. I was at home, which means slow or limited internet access, so I forsake blogging for reading and trying not to go stir crazy.

The trip home was hard. Meaning I drove half of the way in a no travel advisory. It was snowing and blowing and I couldn't always see.

I spent a lot of time with my family. Some was great; enjoying the holidays. Some was sad; my great-grandma passed 4:30am Christmas eve morning and the funeral was Friday.

Then I have been playing hide and seek with God. Its not good and I am ready to be done. I don't understand what He expects of me, so I have been fearful of going to the Word. When I do, it is amazing, so it is definitely me being me. I love my God who pursues me relentlessly and who gives me joy in praising Him. Well off with me to the Word.

Coming in for a Crash Landing

Ah yes, the end of finals and Christmas break is upon me! What an amazing and terrrible thing at the same time. See I might be a little driven and when I have to slow down, I don't always handle it well. I crash. Big time.

I have a few days to adjust while still in college town, before heading back to the unstructured world of home. Well that is if the weather holds out. We have already had close to a foot of snow since Saturday and there is more predicted on Friday. I might just be happy if the temperature gets above zero!

It has been a hard week. I am surviving because the grace of Christ is enough. I am praying for the strength to obey, because I know what He has told me. I love Him. He is committed to me and so I give myself to Him.

Not Me! Monday

Okay another week of me not doing some very interesting, crazy, or stupid things. Really, I live a completely normal, bland, boring life. Like everyone else here.

• I did not take over preparing a group presentation, because the other two were a little sluggish. I am not a slave driver who cracks the whip. I am simply a dedicated student.
• I did not start my period this week and I did not then forget to use a tampon before going to bed.
• I did not also just blog about my period.
• While at Taco Johns, I would never get upset a friend's comments and jump up and leave the table. I did not also trip over a chair in the process.
• I love living in college town, including the weather. I did not ignore my better judgement and drive into town Sunday morning to go to the coffee shop where I normally have quiet time before church, even though there was six inches of snow on the ground, the wind was blowing and none of the roads were plowed. I did not end up at a friend's house for the rest of the day because the coffee shop was closed, church was cancelled, and I had no desire to drive back home.

Its that time of year again...

No, not Christmas. It's finals time. You can tell by the sleep deprived, over-caffeinated people walking around muttering under their breath something about their least favorite professor being demon possessed.

I cannot complain too much about this semester. I have one presentation and a few odds and ends for my grad assistantship to wrap up this year. It has been a long semester, in some ways, but it has gone all too fast in others.

Since school is not really kicking my butt, God is. I'm loving it. Wednesday night at Navs the last couple of weeks, JG has challenged us all big time. Last week, he talked about training versus trying. Are we training for Godliness or just expecting it to happen? This week, he taught from Isaiah 9:1-7 about who Jesus is and how it was prophesied about long before Jesus came. The point that really hit home was that the peace did not come when Jesus was born, we could only receive peace after Jesus died and reconciled us to God.

I have been loving hanging out on campus. I was sitting next two a couple of girls the other day. One I recognized and had met once. They were talking about some escapades they had drinking. Whether they knew it or not, they were admitting to being chained to it, and also I could hear the desire that they wanted something more. I prayed for those two young women, and I prayed that God would show me the opportunities to share His love.

I once was lost. I was dead. Now, in Christ, I am alive!

Not Me! Monday

Free therapy time. Here are some of the things I did not do this week.

• My roommate and I did not run out the door to go to Arby's after seeing their commercial on TV. We are not so lazy or unhealthy.

• I did not regift a pair of adult sized winnie the poo overalls as a white elephant gift.

• I did not throw myself a pity party when things weren't going my way in the love life department.

• I did not swear under my breath when the latch on the cambro I was opening snapped back and bruised my palm. There was not a 10 year old looking over my shoulder at the time.

• I did not start a game of four square with a group of mentors and mentees only to step away when I didn't understand the rules they were playing by. I would not be that childish.

• Finally, I did not have to confess and repent big time this weekend to God. I had not allowed myself to be bitter with people in my life, and I definitely hadn't let a barrier creep up between me and God. I am not thankful for a loving and merciful God, and am not thankful for the friend who kicked me in the behind.

Outside the computer

I was thinking how easy it is through a blog, to give a perception of yourself that is so far from your real self. If anyone is actually reading this, I really have no clue. This week has been another roller coaster. I really, really wanted to punch someone the other day. I have been moody and emotional. I have lacked motivation.

I'm not perfect...okay so you knew that already.

I was listening in on a conversation, yesterday. Right or wrong, we'll just go back to the statement that I am not perfect, and I am pretty sure they knew I was listening. Two passionate young men were discussing with wise counsel about their plans for a new venture. Am I a bad person for praying against it? I am not against change. I have already been hit with that this semester. I do see God at work in the place these young men want to go. I hesitate at the way the want to do this. (I know I am being vague.) They asked for prayer, and so I am.


I'll be more clear with this next thought that has been rolling around. I am looking at 2-3 different options for what happens after I graduate. One is doing full-time ministry for a year or two. I like this option, but the thing is, my family is not for it. They are asking me to really consider if this is the best thing for me, especially in light of college loans and the economy. This would require me to fundraise around $30,000 for a salary. The next thing I am considering is to look for a job in at a camp. Most camps operate year-round and need staff. I have a backround in physical education, which I think would be awesome to use as a program director or adventure camping staff. Of the three, this is the least likely for me to pursue. I don't know if these opportunities exist. The most logical option is to teach. I love teaching. I am fairly sure I could find a job and it would be stable. The part that gets me is that teaching in a public school seems like I won't have the opportunities to meet with and disciple young women, which is something I love and am passionate about.

As I was praying yesterday, I asked God to reveal which one is His will. To which He replied, " I will bless you." I ask for specifics and He asks me to trust. I wanted to be frustrated and annoyed but how can I be when He has said that He will bless me, that He is giving me His divine favor? This is hard. I am likely to write many times over about this process. Walking with God is simple, hide in Him and trust, but it is not easy.

Well

Practicing...

Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus, by the will of God.

To the saints in Ephesus, the faithful in Christ Jesus

Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight. In love, He predestined us to adopted as His sons through Jesus Christ in accordance with His pleasure and will, to the praise of His glorious grace which He has freely given us in the One He loves. In Him, we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that He lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. And He made known to us the mystery of His will according to His good pleasure, which He purposed in Christ, to be put into effect, when the times times will have reached their fullfillment, to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ.

In Him, we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of Him , who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of His will, in order that we who were the first to hope in Christ will be fore the praise of His glory. And you were also included Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in Him with seal, the promised Holy Spirit. Who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession, to the praise of His glory.