Its not your fault
Then why am I blaming myself?
Separate what you need to repent for from the things that you have no control over.
Its not your fault
The lies are deadly and oppressive. The pain from arthritis as my muscles break down down putting more and more pressure on my joints is excruciating. Getting out of bed in the morning takes more energy and courage than I feel I have.
Its not your fault
The pain is so prevalent that it is causing life altering changes I never expected to be making at 24. I'm seeking medical and chiropractic solutions for pain that most of the individuals my age never even think about. I have to consider whether I take the stairs or find an elevator not out of laziness but out of necessity. My pride won't let me go there quite yet, but a wheelchair exists in my future.
Its not your fault
But on top of the pain, Satan is so good at shaming me into giving up. To accept the pain as something I deserve. To believe that what is happening to me is in someway tied to my sin. The subtle lie that my mistakes are the reasons for a genetic disease that slowly deteriorates my muscles.
This is not your fault
God knew all of this would happen before I was ever born. He did not cause, nor does rejoice in my pain. He is taking what Satan meant for evil, and using it for good. I'm experiencing how personally the Enemy hates the Children of God.
Its not my fault. I had no control of this. God allowed it, but He promises full redemption. And humility and courage means risking seeking help from others. It means seeking help while resting fully on the sufficiency of God's grace.
It is what gets me out of bed in the morning. Its why I can honestly testify that my Father is loving and kind and enough in ALL things.
My grace is sufficient for you. My power made perfect in weakness
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that the power of Christ may rest on me.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
I just wanna play!
I was sitting here just now thinking that something just didn't seem right. There was a meloncholy feeling about me and I could not for the life of me why? So I asked Jesus.
About ten minutes later, the revelation came pouring out on me.
I really just want to play.
In that instant, tears came streaming out of my eyes. I could not hold them back.
I want to play and have the joy of a child. With the upcoming transition of finishing grad school and moving into the workforce, the last thing I feel like I have permission to do is play. And I know that in the moment God revealed this desire, He spoke that I could and needed to seek out play.
So, as my dear friend says, "Right now, I just wanna be 5! And I am gonna be 5!"
About ten minutes later, the revelation came pouring out on me.
I really just want to play.
In that instant, tears came streaming out of my eyes. I could not hold them back.
I want to play and have the joy of a child. With the upcoming transition of finishing grad school and moving into the workforce, the last thing I feel like I have permission to do is play. And I know that in the moment God revealed this desire, He spoke that I could and needed to seek out play.
So, as my dear friend says, "Right now, I just wanna be 5! And I am gonna be 5!"
Monday, February 8, 2010
Loving God Makes Me Courageous
I was at a conference and the first session addressed The heart of a laborer.
A laborer is defined as a worker for the kingdom of God. And God raises up laborers by loving people. And as they know Him more, know His love more and learn to love Him more; it brings them out into the harvest field.
If you love Me, you will obey My commandments
I myself had read this before and thought that I must not love God. I was always disobeying. What I didn't know before is that this statement is an invitation. Its Jesus saying:
"You love Me, because I loved you first. Come let Me love you, so you will love Me. My love will do the transformation from the inside out. I'll clean the inside of the cup first, then the outside, your actions will also be transformed because your heart will be transformed."
As I know His heart for me, more and more, the more I want to go to others with His love. That still takes risks, because He asks and is asking that I go out to places in His harvest field that I've never been before or to places with very rocky soil. To international students, to my family, to the other side of the planet.
But loving God makes me courageous, because I know Him and His heart, and because I know, I trust Him for the steps He asks me to take.
Of course, I still chicken out sometimes. Thank God that so did people like Peter, Moses, and Jonah. But nore than that I want to rest on this:
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go
A laborer is defined as a worker for the kingdom of God. And God raises up laborers by loving people. And as they know Him more, know His love more and learn to love Him more; it brings them out into the harvest field.
If you love Me, you will obey My commandments
I myself had read this before and thought that I must not love God. I was always disobeying. What I didn't know before is that this statement is an invitation. Its Jesus saying:
"You love Me, because I loved you first. Come let Me love you, so you will love Me. My love will do the transformation from the inside out. I'll clean the inside of the cup first, then the outside, your actions will also be transformed because your heart will be transformed."
As I know His heart for me, more and more, the more I want to go to others with His love. That still takes risks, because He asks and is asking that I go out to places in His harvest field that I've never been before or to places with very rocky soil. To international students, to my family, to the other side of the planet.
But loving God makes me courageous, because I know Him and His heart, and because I know, I trust Him for the steps He asks me to take.
Of course, I still chicken out sometimes. Thank God that so did people like Peter, Moses, and Jonah. But nore than that I want to rest on this:
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
To Stand without Shame
When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.
Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. But the LORD God called to the man, "Where are you?" He answered, "I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid." And he said, "Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?" The man said, "The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it." Then the LORD God said to the woman, "What is this you have done?" The woman said, "The serpent deceived me, and I ate."
Man and woman fell in sin and they felt shame. They were wrong. They disobeyed and they hid.
We're still hiding today.
But God doesn't let us remain in hiding. He calls us forth to stand before Him. Completely bare.
But the thing that God is revealing is that He covers me with His righteousness. I can stand in all that I am. Every sin and every failure and every brokeness, and He sees Jesus. He says, "I forgive you. I make all things new. No more shame."
Of all the tactics that Satan loves to use on me, he really likes shame. It paralyzes me. Makes me rethink everything I do, even when it is an expression of love, I question my motives.
Its more than just knowing I don't have to hide. Its living as a child of the king. Not afraid to be me. To speak confidently, to love out of the love poured out on me. To live as an heir.
Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. But the LORD God called to the man, "Where are you?" He answered, "I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid." And he said, "Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?" The man said, "The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it." Then the LORD God said to the woman, "What is this you have done?" The woman said, "The serpent deceived me, and I ate."
Man and woman fell in sin and they felt shame. They were wrong. They disobeyed and they hid.
We're still hiding today.
But God doesn't let us remain in hiding. He calls us forth to stand before Him. Completely bare.
But the thing that God is revealing is that He covers me with His righteousness. I can stand in all that I am. Every sin and every failure and every brokeness, and He sees Jesus. He says, "I forgive you. I make all things new. No more shame."
Of all the tactics that Satan loves to use on me, he really likes shame. It paralyzes me. Makes me rethink everything I do, even when it is an expression of love, I question my motives.
Its more than just knowing I don't have to hide. Its living as a child of the king. Not afraid to be me. To speak confidently, to love out of the love poured out on me. To live as an heir.
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