There are tears pushing at my eyes again. They are tears of release, of joy.
This last week has brought the challenges of God asking me to obey Him, instead of living in the fear of man. I wrote a letter that was a long time in coming. I pray it is the first of many. I can't say where this is all leading. I must keep taking steps forward and trust God with the results.
There is freedom,and I am finding a deeper and sweet confidence and trust in my God.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
Rain
I saw the stares but I didn't really care.
It was only once the rain started that I got out of my car and walked into the oncoming downpour.
It was FOR my sanity that I did it. Have you ever felt so contained that you have to do something a little crazy.
So I walked and prayed in the rain. I confessed my failures and shortcomings and prayed that God would be glorified through me. And I got my answer...
The rain came down even harder
Hallelujah, grace like rain falls down on me
Hallelujah, all my stains are washed away
It was only once the rain started that I got out of my car and walked into the oncoming downpour.
It was FOR my sanity that I did it. Have you ever felt so contained that you have to do something a little crazy.
So I walked and prayed in the rain. I confessed my failures and shortcomings and prayed that God would be glorified through me. And I got my answer...
The rain came down even harder
Hallelujah, grace like rain falls down on me
Hallelujah, all my stains are washed away
Friday, June 12, 2009
Need vs Want
Everyone wants to be needed, right?
But what if what we really want is to just be wanted? Confused? So was I.
I believed that all I was worth to people was being useful. I needed to be needed. What I wanted was inconsequential. Being known for who I was and enjoyed was something I could not believe others would see me.
When someone pointed out that it was hard to fight for our friendship because I made it too easy, that I needed their approval and couldn't really know and enjoy them. I couldn't really love them. I had put conditions on love. For loving myself, for loving others.
My world was turned upside down. I was looking at relationships with people to meet my needs, while believing that I was doing it for them. It looked good, but was selfish.
I praise God that He knocked me out of this delusion. God does not need me. He wants me. He chose me. Because He needs nothing from me, His love is unconditional. If I live with my needs met in Jesus, I am free to love others.
But what if what we really want is to just be wanted? Confused? So was I.
I believed that all I was worth to people was being useful. I needed to be needed. What I wanted was inconsequential. Being known for who I was and enjoyed was something I could not believe others would see me.
When someone pointed out that it was hard to fight for our friendship because I made it too easy, that I needed their approval and couldn't really know and enjoy them. I couldn't really love them. I had put conditions on love. For loving myself, for loving others.
My world was turned upside down. I was looking at relationships with people to meet my needs, while believing that I was doing it for them. It looked good, but was selfish.
I praise God that He knocked me out of this delusion. God does not need me. He wants me. He chose me. Because He needs nothing from me, His love is unconditional. If I live with my needs met in Jesus, I am free to love others.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Joy
It's in peace. It's in security. It's in contentment.
I have very little of those things in my outward circumstances. Despite all of the things that are driving at me to be anxious, there is joy.
It is small. Yet enduring. Because the Lover of my soul is a strong and mighty fortress. So I rejoice!
I have very little of those things in my outward circumstances. Despite all of the things that are driving at me to be anxious, there is joy.
It is small. Yet enduring. Because the Lover of my soul is a strong and mighty fortress. So I rejoice!
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