Goodness! It is beautiful day. I trudged through a couple of assignments this morning and then headed over to a local coffee shop for a tasty lunch of homemade minestrone soup and fresh whole grain bread.
I love this place. It opened its doors a couple of years ago, operating in a local church. They have great food and coffee (of course), free wi-fi (draws in the college crowd), they have a tip jar that benefits a different chairity each month, they are open late and 24/7 during finals week (again great for the college crowd, when the other shop in town closes at 9), and they have this amazing outdoor patio. Its in the 50's right now, the sun is shining, so I decided to sit outside and soak up the weather before it turns into "normal" weather for this time of year.
I'm involved with the Navigators on campus and we are about to start an inductive study of the book of Ephesians. I am so pumped! This letter that Paul wrote to the church in Ephesus, is pretty much my favorite book of the Bible and so I am excited to study it in depth. This afternoon I sat down on the patio read through Ephesians a couple of times to get an overview of what Paul was writing. I don't the time to expound now, but in the next few days I will share a few things.
Grandma Update:
I have nothing new to report. She is hanging in there. I'm still not sure what to think or feel, but God has been so kind and good, walking me through this.
If anyone actually reads this, does any one have any good ideas for a Halloween costume. Someone help me quick or I may end up as a scarecrow!
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Grace Like Rain
It has been a rough 24 hours. It is hard for me to even describe what is going through my mind. My great-grandma is still holding on, but I am already in mourning. I can't think straight. I am in tears nor near tears. I can no longer hide outwardly the emotions and grief I am feeling.
God has been pouring out His love in waves. There have been moments where I feel like I am really crazy. I have no capacity to think or understand anything other than the pain. But then He comes, I know He is present and and I know His peace and comfort even in all this agony.
Why does this hurt so much? My great-grandma is the glue on that side of the family. There is also a pattern, when someone dies, the family retreats away from one another to prevent more pain (which in turn creates a rift) instead of drawing together to heal. I am not just mourning for her, but also knowing it is not safe to turn to my family for comfort.
I must give praise to God for running my friends across my path in the last few days. They have listened and prayed when I myself did not know how or what to pray. I will ever praise Him!
God has been pouring out His love in waves. There have been moments where I feel like I am really crazy. I have no capacity to think or understand anything other than the pain. But then He comes, I know He is present and and I know His peace and comfort even in all this agony.
Why does this hurt so much? My great-grandma is the glue on that side of the family. There is also a pattern, when someone dies, the family retreats away from one another to prevent more pain (which in turn creates a rift) instead of drawing together to heal. I am not just mourning for her, but also knowing it is not safe to turn to my family for comfort.
I must give praise to God for running my friends across my path in the last few days. They have listened and prayed when I myself did not know how or what to pray. I will ever praise Him!
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Pray for Stellan!!!!
I would like to point your attention to"Pray for Stellan" button in the right bar. I stumbled across McMama's blog this summer. I got caught up in her story of her difficult pregnancy while she was in the hospital just after doctors had told her and her Husband that their baby boy Stellan would certainly die of a heart condition either in womb or after delivery
As she told her story through her blog, prayer warriors rasied up all around the world for that little baby. Incredibly, Stellan's heart reached a normal rhythm under medication and McMama was sent home. She has continued to keep us all informed on this journey even with a few bumps along the road. You can even catch up on her story by clicking on the prayer button.
Tomorrow at 9:30am, Stellan will be delivered via c-section. There are still concerns for the condition of his enlarged heart and how he will respond once delivered. Will you join me in praying for this little one and his mama?
As she told her story through her blog, prayer warriors rasied up all around the world for that little baby. Incredibly, Stellan's heart reached a normal rhythm under medication and McMama was sent home. She has continued to keep us all informed on this journey even with a few bumps along the road. You can even catch up on her story by clicking on the prayer button.
Tomorrow at 9:30am, Stellan will be delivered via c-section. There are still concerns for the condition of his enlarged heart and how he will respond once delivered. Will you join me in praying for this little one and his mama?
Learning to Slow Down
I wonder what it will take for me to slow down. My schedule has lightened up recently, but it drives me crazy to watch other people who are busy, while I don't have work to keep me occupied. Am I insane? My body is telling me to slow down. There are obvious emotional and mental things I am going through that are also taking a toll. These are things that I don't know how to deal with and staying busy even when I don't have to is a great distraction.
It is obvious, I am not meant to live like this. I do have to face the pain. But I am not doing this alone. I have precious friends who are praying and have been amazing listeners, but I also have my God. He is the one constant. I don't know what to pray most of the time. My prayer is, "Jesus meet me here." He is faithful and good.
"My soul melts away for sorrow; strengthen me according to your word." Psalm 119:28
It is obvious, I am not meant to live like this. I do have to face the pain. But I am not doing this alone. I have precious friends who are praying and have been amazing listeners, but I also have my God. He is the one constant. I don't know what to pray most of the time. My prayer is, "Jesus meet me here." He is faithful and good.
"My soul melts away for sorrow; strengthen me according to your word." Psalm 119:28
Monday, October 27, 2008
Not Me Monday
This is my first official "Not Me Monday" post, where I write about the things that I absolutely did not do this week ;) The idea for this weekly post comes from the precious McMama at mycharmingkids.net who I am praying gives birth to a miracle baby named Stellan on Wednesday.
- I did not forget to eat lunch Saturday or Sunday.
- I did not laugh hysterically when I did not drop the pumpkin I was carrying, as it did not bounce on the sidewalk.
- I was not totally excited for the first snowfall of the year.
- I did not move my car visor while sitting at a red light at the 2nd busiest intersection in town, and in the process of swinging it around I did not smack myself in forehead. Of course I would never laugh at myself while the guy in the truck next to me gave me a wierd look.
- I did not completely lose it and bawl in front of my supervisor at work Friday morning after I found out my great-grandma was put in hopsice care and has few days left. I did not then, spur of the moment ditch church Sunday and everything else to drive 3 1/2 hours down to see her for 1/2 hour to drive all the way back.
- This one is a few weeks old, but definitely worth mentioning. While driving back in a caravan of cars from a conference, my co-pilot and I did not make a sign that said "Smile if you are not wearing any underwear" We did not speed up and slow down, or block traffic to not display the sign to each of the three other cars with us. We would never contemplate showing the sign to cars of complete strangers, never...
Friday, October 24, 2008
Life and Death
I hate emotional roller coasters. I really wish I could get off this one.
UP
Yesterday marked the day six years ago that Jesus invited me to follow Him. It was a good day. I did not have a hugely busy day, but I worked on getting stuff ready for pumpkin painting that I am organizing for about 30 kids here in the community on Saturday. I am really excited for it. I had coffee with a friend and I had the best time as we just talked about the amazing ways God has worked in our lives since we have known each other. It is truely remarkable.
Then God gave me the coolest "Re-birthday" present. I noticed on Facebook that there was a new group that a few of my friends from high school had joined. It was a group dedicated to the members of the youth group that I got involved with when I started following Jesus. The creator was my youth pastor. I have not been in contact with him in about 5 years because I attend school 5 hours from home and rarely make the trip, and a year after I graduated he left that church to become the pastor of a church plant. It may not seem like a big deal, but it was special to me.
DOWN
My great-grandmother was moved into hospice care and is now in congestive heart failure. It could be a matter of hours to a couple of days. My heart just aches. She is 95 and has had a very full life. She is loved by her 9 kids, and at least 100 grandkids, great-grandkids, and great-great grandkids. My responsibilties here in town are preventing me from going down to say goodbye.
ROUND AND ROUND
I want to fight for joy. I know my God is good and loving and walking beside me right now. Satan is really good at making my head spin when I am emotional and tired. Anticipating the phone call is tying my stomach in knots. A verse just came to mind, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
He that is in me is greater than he who is in the world
UP
Yesterday marked the day six years ago that Jesus invited me to follow Him. It was a good day. I did not have a hugely busy day, but I worked on getting stuff ready for pumpkin painting that I am organizing for about 30 kids here in the community on Saturday. I am really excited for it. I had coffee with a friend and I had the best time as we just talked about the amazing ways God has worked in our lives since we have known each other. It is truely remarkable.
Then God gave me the coolest "Re-birthday" present. I noticed on Facebook that there was a new group that a few of my friends from high school had joined. It was a group dedicated to the members of the youth group that I got involved with when I started following Jesus. The creator was my youth pastor. I have not been in contact with him in about 5 years because I attend school 5 hours from home and rarely make the trip, and a year after I graduated he left that church to become the pastor of a church plant. It may not seem like a big deal, but it was special to me.
DOWN
My great-grandmother was moved into hospice care and is now in congestive heart failure. It could be a matter of hours to a couple of days. My heart just aches. She is 95 and has had a very full life. She is loved by her 9 kids, and at least 100 grandkids, great-grandkids, and great-great grandkids. My responsibilties here in town are preventing me from going down to say goodbye.
ROUND AND ROUND
I want to fight for joy. I know my God is good and loving and walking beside me right now. Satan is really good at making my head spin when I am emotional and tired. Anticipating the phone call is tying my stomach in knots. A verse just came to mind, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
He that is in me is greater than he who is in the world
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
The Weather
It may seem odd that I would talk about the weather, but really I have been intrigued at how the weather the last week has affected my mood.
Sunday was downright gorgeous. Sunny, warm for this time of year. The only downside was it was a little windy, but really for my spot on the map, it wasn't unusual. I took a leisurely bike ride around my block (as in .5 mile by a 1 mile) country block. I stopped to take pictures along the way. Of stuff you wouldn't see, or at least slow down enough to appreciate, while flying by in a car. I would show them if I could get them to upload. I know I don't slow down enough in life to appreciate the beauty and small wonders. I was deeply refreshed from the day and ready to take on the week.
Starting Monday afternoon, it started raining and finally turned to snow this afternoon. I really didn't mind. This grey weather that annoys or frustrates others, made me want to curl up in a blanket and read or stare out the window. I was not sad or down, but I was quieter and reflective (Okay so I am like this often anyway). As I was walking across campus this morning in the rain, I was contemplating again, what God has planned for me. I was reading the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 1o:38-42 yesterday
As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"
"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, 42but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."
When brought this back to mind as I was walking, it was another reminder that what I need most, is not the answer to my every question, but I need Him and to sit at His feet, wrapped up in a blanket, with the Good Book, and a cup of coffee. Sounds like a amazing way to spend a few hours, listening and hearing His heart.
Sunday was downright gorgeous. Sunny, warm for this time of year. The only downside was it was a little windy, but really for my spot on the map, it wasn't unusual. I took a leisurely bike ride around my block (as in .5 mile by a 1 mile) country block. I stopped to take pictures along the way. Of stuff you wouldn't see, or at least slow down enough to appreciate, while flying by in a car. I would show them if I could get them to upload. I know I don't slow down enough in life to appreciate the beauty and small wonders. I was deeply refreshed from the day and ready to take on the week.
Starting Monday afternoon, it started raining and finally turned to snow this afternoon. I really didn't mind. This grey weather that annoys or frustrates others, made me want to curl up in a blanket and read or stare out the window. I was not sad or down, but I was quieter and reflective (Okay so I am like this often anyway). As I was walking across campus this morning in the rain, I was contemplating again, what God has planned for me. I was reading the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 1o:38-42 yesterday
As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"
"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, 42but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."
When brought this back to mind as I was walking, it was another reminder that what I need most, is not the answer to my every question, but I need Him and to sit at His feet, wrapped up in a blanket, with the Good Book, and a cup of coffee. Sounds like a amazing way to spend a few hours, listening and hearing His heart.
This is me
I had been hesitating for months to create my own blog. I did create a special event blog for a 7 week trip I took to the Philippines, but I wasn't really sure about creating an blog for everyday life. I have been following a couple of other blogs for a couple of months and I realized how much I wanted to be able to put my thoughts and stories out there.
Specifically, I am in a very transitional phase of life. I am mostly out in the real world, but still in grad school, working part time. For those of you that know me, most of this information isn't really that new to you.
I am a Christian, a disciple of Jesus. He has His hand on my life in incredible ways. The reason I named this blog Seek,Fight, Pray is that I want to seek Him in everything I do. He saved me, yanking me by the collar from the very proud and dangerous path I was going down. (Isaiah 53:6, John 3:16) In fact, tomorrow is six years since He called out to me to follow Him (Luke 9:57-62). I am fighting for the joy that He promises in His Word, the Bible. This is not a call to a life of ease and comfort, but a life in relationship to my Creator who loves me unconditionally. In following Him, I have to daily put my life in His hands. So I pray. I give him control, I ask Him where He is working and ask Him to send me there.
So why write this blog: I have been encouraged by following others' stories. Someone told me the other day, that the phase of life I am in, is likely the most difficult. (Yeah...No Kidding!) I hope that my journey may be a voice of encouragement to you no matter where you are in life.
Specifically, I am in a very transitional phase of life. I am mostly out in the real world, but still in grad school, working part time. For those of you that know me, most of this information isn't really that new to you.
I am a Christian, a disciple of Jesus. He has His hand on my life in incredible ways. The reason I named this blog Seek,Fight, Pray is that I want to seek Him in everything I do. He saved me, yanking me by the collar from the very proud and dangerous path I was going down. (Isaiah 53:6, John 3:16) In fact, tomorrow is six years since He called out to me to follow Him (Luke 9:57-62). I am fighting for the joy that He promises in His Word, the Bible. This is not a call to a life of ease and comfort, but a life in relationship to my Creator who loves me unconditionally. In following Him, I have to daily put my life in His hands. So I pray. I give him control, I ask Him where He is working and ask Him to send me there.
So why write this blog: I have been encouraged by following others' stories. Someone told me the other day, that the phase of life I am in, is likely the most difficult. (Yeah...No Kidding!) I hope that my journey may be a voice of encouragement to you no matter where you are in life.
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