I hate making mistakes and I am far harder on myself about the mistakes than anyone else is. Sometimes though I project God's disappointment on my mistakes. Its as though because I failed, I screwed up what God wanted to do. This becomes a crushing weight, a tenseness that leaves me on the edge, waiting for retribution.
That is shame. And Jesus is the last person who would shame me. God knew my mistakes before they ever happened. Every weakness, careless mistake and sin.
I'm not discounting sin. I know the weight of sin cost Jesus everything. There are consequences to my choices. But the difference is that I do not bear the wrath of sin anymore. That is what I fear most.
Instead the Author and Perfecter of my faith has said that: "
For it was fitting that he, for whom and by whom all things exist, in bringing many sons to glory, should make the founder of their salvation perfect through suffering. For he who sanctifies and those who are sanctified all have one source. That is why he is not ashamed to call them brothers...Since therefore the children share in flesh and blood, he himself likewise partook of the same things, that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is the devil, and deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong slavery ~ Hebrews 2:10-11,14-15
Jesus is not ashamed of me. He defeated the one who used the fear of death to hold me in shame and slavery.
So do I allow myself to stand in the unbelievable grace that led me share in His glory?
At the moment, not so much. I think I made an oversight on something important. I haven't been able to find out if I actually made a blunder or not, but I feel crushed by the thought of it.
So I pray: Jesus have mercy on me. Reveal again the truth of Your love that paid for this.
