...His Grace

Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God's grace. And your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God's grace.~Jerry Bridges

Thank you Jesus!

Through the Cracks

"Okay God, You really want me to smash this pitcher with a hammer?"

Moments later, I sat there with a hammer in my hand and shards of pottery scattered out in front of me. This was far from the end. Now I had to piece by piece, glue everthing back together. God wanted me to see how He saw me and the processes He was taking me through.

Sort the pieces

It was time to inventory the damage that had been done. There is no way to continue without first seeing what kind of pieces there are. The base was mostly intact. There were some tiny shards and dust, that needed to be set out on a sheet of paper. I knew some of those would be tossed away, no longer necessary. What pieces needed to be glued first so they would set better in whole?

I ignored that damage for the longest time. I could shove it down, and maybe people wouldn't be able see it. They wouldn't see how messed up I was. Yes, I knew Jesus had saved and redeemed me, but it seemed everyone else was telling me to just pull things together. Besides, that was a mess, destruction that no one in their right mind would ever want to deal with.

But Jesus wouldn't leave me alone... And I began to know that I couldn't live that way. It was painful to look at and deal with, but Jesus started looking at the pieces and placing them together. Some things I thought were a big deal, got set aside. They would be dealt with later after the big things were put in place.

Glue and Patience

The first two pieces went together fairly easily and set in about 10 minutes. Okay, maybe I can do this, maybe it won't be too bad... 40 minutes later only one more piece had been glued in place, I had to take a break to go take care of another task for someone else

At times I was having to add glue 2 or 3 times before the pieces would stick. A couple I realized, would not stay until later; other pieces had to be in place first. That and I had to be patient in letting the glue dry. Move too quickly, and it would be another 10-15 minutes of sitting still.

Well, that wasn't so bad. Okay Jesus, come and deal with this. I need to be put back together.

Wait... no not there. I'm not ready to let go of that! Agh! I messed up again! How will I ever be whole? Jesus why do you put up with me? I'm never going to get this right!

Gentle Pressure and a Steady Hand

For the glue to set, there had to be not only patience, but pressure. Let go, and everything falls apart. Press too hard, and pieces would slide and move. It was at this point that God and I started talking about, what He had been doing in my heart that paralleled me putting the jar back together.

I could feel His hand with me as we talked. There were wounds, but I could see now, where He was in all of it. And it hurt! But I saw His tears, and felt His steady hand. I could move forward. There were sins, but I saw Him pouring out His blood to make me clean. There were tears in both our eyes still, His gleamed with love, and mine of gratitude.

"You are mine, Beloved."

Whole?

After a stop for some more glue, finally the once shattered jar was back together. There was no way to hide the cracks and chips. And there were even holes that could not be filled. The jar was not much to look at before, and well now it is no where near perfect, but like anything that has stood the test of time, those imperfections are beautiful and intriguing. There is a story behind each crack and chip.

Jesus has made me whole again, but I am still so imperfect. I want to keep looking at the cracks and holes and wonder, God how could I ever bring glory to You?

A Vessel for His Glory

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us." ~ 2 Corinthians 4:7

Like that clay pot, I am but a vessel. Jesus is the precious treasure. And through those cracks, my weaknesses, that Jesus can shine and seep through. It isn't about people seeing me, it is about them seeing the power of God and the transforming power and love of Jesus. I do have a story, and it is not something to be ashamed of, but it is a testimony of what Jesus has done for me.

In reality, I am so far from being complete. Jesus is still working, and so the story continues, His glory increases, and His grace becomes richer and deeper to me. He walks with us every step of the way, and I am learning what it means to praise Him and honor Him and give Him the glory in good and in bad.

I wish I could express the richness of the whole passage of 2 Corinthians 4. I want to be a servant, a vessel in which Jesus and the power and love of His salvation and glory can be seen. Well, the best way to see the treasure inside a opaque clay pot... is through the cracks.

Nice is NOT a Fruit of the Spirit

This was the title of a workshop put on by a close friend of mine, at a conference Saturday. It is funny how we will be nice to avoid things getting messy, but what about that person that really needs to hear they are making a mistake?

My friend did some study on the origins of the two words and here the basic conclusions: True kindness combines speaking the truth in love. Nice is about caring about how you end up looking. Kindness is about looking for the best interest of the other.

His Will

I'm putting off homework until tomorrow. I had wanted to get more done today, but it isn't what I need tonight. I do have time tomorrow to chip away at the to-do list, but I need to contemplate a question tonight.

Do I pray to hear and accept God's will?

Prayer is about God changing us, not us changing God.

I am tempted to sort through my journal tonight to see if I have been asking God to change my circumstances more than I have been asking to know Him and hear and accept His will for my life. Yet, that is not what God is asking of me. He wants me to seek Him.

I know things have been hard and I want to understand why this is God's will for me. Yet I know that faith in Christ is not about getting around things, it is about having a relationship that gets me through things.

I rejoice tonight knowing my God reigns, that no mistake on my part can frustrate God's will. I am not even close to having that kind of power. He will prevail! And so I rejoice that my name is written in heaven and that His will is for my good and His glory. Hallelujah! He is worthy!

From the Heart

Would you come and pull up a chair across from me? Would you like some coffee? Hot cocoa? Maybe tea?

For those who know me in real life, you know that I don't live on the surface level. I am constantly thinking about deeper things, probably because until Jesus came into my life almost 7 years ago (Praise the Lord!) I lived on the surface level. I was too afraid to go deeper, to be found out.

I'm guessing most of you know someone who you wonder what is going on below the surface, but they never let you in? Usually they are so busy, so concentrated on tasks that your sincere question of, "How are you?" is returned with, "Fine. Gotta go!" I am not saying that to be critical. I am this person. I am more comfortable for what I can do than for who I am.

Seriously, I have a hard time believing that people love me for me. It hasn't been until recently, when a friend looked me directly in the the eyes and asked me, "Why can't I just love you?" that people do see more in me. And she wasn't the only one asking that question. God has been asking me that, more and more in the last few months.

Here is the real issue, if I feel my worth comes from what I do, not from who or I should say Whose I am, then the most natural thing to do is to ignore and bury my heart. But Jesus, kept seeking my heart out, and I am learning that the abundant life Jesus talks about is found when we live from our hearts.

Most of us run from out hearts, because we are afraid of them. We are afraid if anyone see's them, we will be found out as imposters. We are told they are evil and that we should keep them in check. Yet, in looking at scripture, this isn't the truth.

2 Corinthians 5:17: Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has gone, the new has come.

So often we are told our hearts are sinful and bad, but if we are new in Christ, we have been given new hearts. So our hearts are good, because they are from God.

So what about sin? Check out Romans 7 and Paul wrestling with this very question. If my heart is good, why do I sin? Because there is the flesh. When Paul says there is nothing good in him, it is the flesh he speaks of.

So what about the heart? The heart expresses our desires. Those desires, unchecked by the Spirit and allowed to be corrupted by the flesh, can and do lead us into sin. So the heart becomes the target of our harsh attempts to get our sin and woundedness under control. Ladies and gentlemen, we have picked the wrong target.

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. ~Proverbs 4:23

...For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good... ~ Matthew 12: 34-35

We should be protecting our hearts. It is not just about trying to avoid the evil in this world, though we are commanded to flee from it. It is about actively caring for our hearts and caring for the hearts of those around us. ABOVE ALL ELSE! Truely when was the last time you paid even minimal attention to your heart? When was the last time you let your whole guard down with someone? When was the last time you did something you really enjoy without feeling guilty or selfish for taking time for yourself?

The heart is the source of life. Remember that person who won't let you even get close to what is going on? Most the time, they don't either. They are busy, but they are not alive. The heart is covered over, blocked off, and they don't really want to go there after years of neglect.

A friend, was having a stressful week. I asked her if she had taken time for her heart. She said that if she did, she would get nothing done. Here is what I am coming to understand, when we take time to care for our hearts, letting God heal wounds, and understanding the desires of the heart, we find joy. And all that energy we spend trying to keep our hearts hidden, is now available to be poured out. We really live and not just do.

There is a reason God says, above all else. Our hearts are the source of life. The first person we need to be honest with about the condition of our hearts is God. He does already know our hearts completely, but we don't always trust what He is doing in our hearts, unless we are laid bare for Him to work and heal us.

So why be vulnerable with others? It is about giving life to others. If you are anything like me, I was waiting for permission to be real with someone. It showed me the truth and a truely good desire, to know my heart is valuable.

With the power of God's redeeming love, I share my story. I know it is important, because it shows God's love and work in my life to others. Just being me, not doing anything, shows my value to God's kindgom.

So why is it so hard? Well, my friends, we are at war and the enemy aims for the source of passion and desire, our hearts. Don't have a clue what I am talking about? As Christians, we are citizens of God's kingdom. Before we knew His salvation,we were members of another kindgom. The prince of this world, Satan, will do whatever he can from us joining God's kingdom or from understanding the power of being a citizen of God's kingdom. Satan aims for the heart because once that is taken out we don't have the will or desire to fight. He will tell us we are good enough and don't need God before we accept Christ, and will then tell us that we are not good enough once we do. So the devil will try to get us caught in sin, believing our hearts are no good, or he will wound us, most often by the people closest to us, to keep us from wanting to live from our hearts. So what do we do?

We fight with the weapons God has given us. We fight with the Truth of God's Word. We pray for the Spirit to reveal the Truth. We choose to lay down everything, every excuse, every sin, every wound before God. Let Him speak the truth to your heart. He is far kinder to our hearts than we ever are. We wonder why it is so easy to wander away from God's love. I think we often don't let God go to the depths of His love that Paul talks about in Ephesians 3. The love that surpassing understanding, the love that when we let it, completes us. When we know this is the way God loves us, lavishing us with mercy and grace, we are drawn ever closer to Him.

We also know when someone hurts us, for those who are Christians, that their hearts are good. It is unlikely what they did was intentional, and even if it was, it was most likely a response to being under attack. (When I speak of being attacked, I am referring to when fear of what ever hurts us the most, overwhelming us) We also know we should be caring for others hearts. That when we are vulnerable with one another, we look out for ways that we could wound someone in the same ways they have been wounded before, we invite and encourage them to do things that will be be good for their hearts, and we pray for them intensely.

Friends, lay yourself and and heart before God. If life flows from our hearts, we desperately need God to hold our hearts. Know you are deeply loved and have a value that reaches far beyond what you do. You are His.

Give Me Jesus

I don't know if I have the words, or even the strength to write this whole post the way I want to. Bear with me, as I pray my way through this one...

Every few minutes of the last few days, I feel like I keep asking myself, "Is Jesus enough?" I'm confused about the direction God is leading. I have watched people I know and heard about others who are walking through pain, who are dealing with disappointment, and who are just as confused, if not more confused, than I am. It has put faces to the suffering and to those who are poor in spirit, and I am so helpless to do anything. God is telling me to rest in Him, when all I want to do is to fix things. Fix me, fix situations, solve the problems... How Jesus?

And right now... I do know my Savior is with me. Yet there are tears... and anger... and disappointment... and confusion... And there is His presence... His affection... His joy... and His love...

When it comes to crises or events that upset us, this I have learned; you can have God or you can have understanding. Sometimes you can have both. But if you insist on understanding, if often doesn't come. And that can create distance between you and God, because you are upset and demanding and an explanation isn't coming and so you withdraw a bit from God and lose the grace God is giving. He doesn't explain everything, but He always offers us Himself. ~ John Eldredge

At some point, I may get an explanation. I'm looking at God right now and wanting to ask "Why?" to so many things. I want an answer. I want a solution. This is where God has taken me.

This is what the LORD says: "Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom or the strong man boast of his strength or the rich man boast of his riches, but let him who boasts boast about this: that he understands and knows me, that I am the LORD, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight," declares the LORD. ~Jeremiah 9:23-24

so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. ~ Ephesians 3:17-19

But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. ~ 2Corinthians 3:16-18

Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. ~ Romans 4:20-21

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. ~ Ecclesiastes 3:11-13

I could have all the world, every explanation and not have what I need...

Give me Jesus

p.s. Stay tuned for a post about why you should take care of your heart...

Back at the Keyboard

Chicago was the amazing experience that I thought it would be. It was so eye-opening and humbling. We got to explore the city by foot and CTA, enjoying some of the sites. But our purpose was to work along side a couple of organizations that help those in poverty and homeless.

We had noble intentions, but as the week went on, we found that it didn't seem like we were doing much. Yet, in sharing together before we left for home, we concluded that we did the things that can't get done without the help of volunteers. Those who work full-time with these organizations are overloaded as is. Picking up trash, sorting papers, sorting clothes, fixing bunkbeds, and handing out fliers were simple tasks but they were so thankful. Some of the residents of the homeless shelter wondered what a group of college students were doing in Chicago instead of Florida.

Inner-city Chicago is not a place where I felt comfortable. I was more focused on my weaknesses than leaning on Jesus. The question came to mind; why me? Why do I get to enjoy the comfortable life I do?

The other question I have been processing in the last 24 hours is why does God love me so much? He saves me, but more than that He adopts me, calls me His, and is infinitely patient (okay this is the miniscule short list). I can do nothing, to earn or deserve any of this love or any of my circumstances. Sigh... I need to mull this over... so enjoy some pictures