Moments later, I sat there with a hammer in my hand and shards of pottery scattered out in front of me. This was far from the end. Now I had to piece by piece, glue everthing back together. God wanted me to see how He saw me and the processes He was taking me through.
Sort the pieces
It was time to inventory the damage that had been done. There is no way to continue without first seeing what kind of pieces there are. The base was mostly intact. There were some tiny shards and dust, that needed to be set out on a sheet of paper. I knew some of those would be tossed away, no longer necessary. What pieces needed to be glued first so they would set better in whole?
I ignored that damage for the longest time. I could shove it down, and maybe people wouldn't be able see it. They wouldn't see how messed up I was. Yes, I knew Jesus had saved and redeemed me, but it seemed everyone else was telling me to just pull things together. Besides, that was a mess, destruction that no one in their right mind would ever want to deal with.
But Jesus wouldn't leave me alone... And I began to know that I couldn't live that way. It was painful to look at and deal with, but Jesus started looking at the pieces and placing them together. Some things I thought were a big deal, got set aside. They would be dealt with later after the big things were put in place.
Glue and Patience
The first two pieces went together fairly easily and set in about 10 minutes. Okay, maybe I can do this, maybe it won't be too bad... 40 minutes later only one more piece had been glued in place, I had to take a break to go take care of another task for someone else
At times I was having to add glue 2 or 3 times before the pieces would stick. A couple I realized, would not stay until later; other pieces had to be in place first. That and I had to be patient in letting the glue dry. Move too quickly, and it would be another 10-15 minutes of sitting still.
Well, that wasn't so bad. Okay Jesus, come and deal with this. I need to be put back together.
Wait... no not there. I'm not ready to let go of that! Agh! I messed up again! How will I ever be whole? Jesus why do you put up with me? I'm never going to get this right!
Gentle Pressure and a Steady Hand
For the glue to set, there had to be not only patience, but pressure. Let go, and everything falls apart. Press too hard, and pieces would slide and move. It was at this point that God and I started talking about, what He had been doing in my heart that paralleled me putting the jar back together.
I could feel His hand with me as we talked. There were wounds, but I could see now, where He was in all of it. And it hurt! But I saw His tears, and felt His steady hand. I could move forward. There were sins, but I saw Him pouring out His blood to make me clean. There were tears in both our eyes still, His gleamed with love, and mine of gratitude.
"You are mine, Beloved."
Whole?
After a stop for some more glue, finally the once shattered jar was back together. There was no way to hide the cracks and chips. And there were even holes that could not be filled. The jar was not much to look at before, and well now it is no where near perfect, but like anything that has stood the test of time, those imperfections are beautiful and intriguing. There is a story behind each crack and chip.
Jesus has made me whole again, but I am still so imperfect. I want to keep looking at the cracks and holes and wonder, God how could I ever bring glory to You?
A Vessel for His Glory
"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us." ~ 2 Corinthians 4:7
Like that clay pot, I am but a vessel. Jesus is the precious treasure. And through those cracks, my weaknesses, that Jesus can shine and seep through. It isn't about people seeing me, it is about them seeing the power of God and the transforming power and love of Jesus. I do have a story, and it is not something to be ashamed of, but it is a testimony of what Jesus has done for me.
In reality, I am so far from being complete. Jesus is still working, and so the story continues, His glory increases, and His grace becomes richer and deeper to me. He walks with us every step of the way, and I am learning what it means to praise Him and honor Him and give Him the glory in good and in bad.
I wish I could express the richness of the whole passage of 2 Corinthians 4. I want to be a servant, a vessel in which Jesus and the power and love of His salvation and glory can be seen. Well, the best way to see the treasure inside a opaque clay pot... is through the cracks.
"the best way to see the treasure inside... is through the cracks."
ReplyDeleteso beautifully said.