In the midst of last week, I didn't see it. Until this afternoon, it didn't occur to me the pattern that was weaving its way in.
The three days as the one in charge. Those three days included a student melting down on me.
The last one was the most intense.
Yes, I know the target is on me by the Holy Spirit as I have invited Him to transform me by His Light and refine me by His Fire. He's certainly doing that. I'll even go so far to say that He allowed the meltdowns to check my heart and turn the heat up.
On the flip side I am well aware that the hand of the enemy was also on the encounters I had. I won't minimize or overstate what I witnessed. I say with conviction that what I saw in those children was nothing short of demonic.
How can I say that?
Anger, fear of abandonment, defiance, a young child convinced they are a bad kid.
On two of the three occasions, I had the time and opportunity to speak love and truth into these children. Oh, what it takes to bring out what a child is actually thinking and gently correct lies they believe. Being firm that the behavior was inappropriate while affirming that they have dignity and worth. If only I could have openly prayed over each one. If only I could have prayed for each of the single mothers (another pattern) these little ones belonged too.
I have wept over their brokenness. I'm not a saint or perfect. I lost my temper with one of these children, not coming from love or humility, but frustration and demanding spirit. Impatiently, I almost rushed off, when a frustrated mother just needed someone to listen. I leaned on the Holy Spirit for the direction of questions, for the words of affirmation, for the love that overcame my fleshly desire to run from these problems, from the brokenness.
Lord, prepare me. Give me eyes to see. Gird me with Your Armor. Train me to fight for those who can't fight for themselves.
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