Callouses

Honest.

Living in Korea has been the greatest challenge and sweetest reward.

And as my thoughts and momentum turn toward leaving, I'm a jumble of emotions and thoughts.

I needed Korea, and though I can't say that Korea really needed me, I can say that the city where I live has a story that mirrors mine in so many ways.  So if I hurt, I wonder how the people of this city hurt too.  Where have they put up defenses that block out a part of the pain but also hold out against redemption.

I am a part of the most imperfect church.  I had heard rumors of people like this and of problems like this church has, but now I have lived in it.  And I still love this church.  I love the people.  They want to be the life raft for the waves that come from being a foreigner in a foreign land.

For all the places I have let walls down.  I think I have become calloused.

How can I tell?

As God tenderizes me again.

I'm actually consistently cracking open my Bible again...and I could feel my surprise at how it was coming to life and being refreshing.  And I'm the one who for years was lauded for always being in the word.  But my consistency slipped in pride.  I let myself be "busy" with other things even when I have had more free time now than ever in the past.

I'm praying and asking God to speak to my heart, and I am getting impressions after a few months where I didn't seek much, didn't open up my heart before and therefore wasn't hearing much.

Even these places where I had become tough were necessary.  Yes, I want to be pliable and tender to God, but time passes and I am gently reminded that God is always faithful.    This year has been training and I am in the homestretch.  The next few weeks pointed towards Jesus, and knowing how much I need and want Him, that my ONE thing is to go after Him.