When God Writes Your Life Story

The last entry, the quotes I referenced were from Waking the Dead by John Eldredge. Great book. I am re-reading another book of his, Walking with God, at the same time. The combination of the two, has been rocking my world in an incredibly good way. I am finding what it means to walk intimately with God, following His leading and recieving the life only He offers.

There are things I really thought I wanted but would never have. I believed that in service to God, I had to completely give up my desire for those things to be holy. The truth is, as I have learned to allow those dreams and desires and then turn those back over to God for Him, I see Him meeting some of those things. And now they are like gifts I am receiving, instead of things I had to take.
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I'm not such a wimp to admit that I had to give up a crush on a Godly, young man in my life. As a couple of friends shared a few things with me, I realized, there is much I admire deeply about him, but it was dangerous to my heart to not hold even our friendship with a very open hand.

My friend K, and I are both walking this road of not letting the fear of impending changes (her moving away) keep us from still investing deeply with one another. Believe me, we stink sometimes at not stepping on each others toes or out right hurting one another. I thank Jesus for the grace He is pouring out and for the desire He has put on our hearts that this type of friendship and community should be the norm in the body of Christ and not the exception.
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And then there are those desires that seem childish or selfish, but are really childlike and full of life. Follow me for a second. I have wanted a new acoustic guitar for a couple of years now. I love my starter pack Fender G8, but the more I play, the more I would like a guitar with a smaller body (I'm not a big person 5'4", 120) so that it is easier and more enjoyable to play. I also wanted to get an electric acoustic on the chance, that I would actually do more playing publically and need to have the capability to plug in.

Well, I prayed about the guitar for a while. And the answer I got was: "Delight yourself in Me and I will give you the desires of your heart." So was that a "Yes" or a "No?" To which God replied, "Wait." As I have been waiting on God (and my tax return) I have seen how this is a gift of life to me from my loving Heavenly Father. I never had to strive to earn this guitar. I submitted the desire to God and watched how majestically He cultivated the desire and orchestrated the circumstances to allow me to make the purchase, which I will do Saturday!
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So in some of my desires God has said no, and in not fighting Him for control, He satisfies my heart, which brings me life. And in others He has said yes, but kept my heart in a place where I am not the one making the answer happen, but joyfully receiving life.

As I was feeling very discouraged the other day, I was praying and asking God what was up, He asked me, "what are you holding on to?" As I thought about it, I replied, "My life." What does that bring when you are holding on to your own life? "Death."

When I place my life in my own hands I find death, but whe I place my life in His hands, I find the abundant life He gives

Chewing on This

"There is a glory to your life that your Enemy fears, and he is hell-bent on destroying that glory before you act on it."

My heart is with you to take the territory of your heart back. Keep building the wall.

"It is an akward thing to shimmer when everyone else is not, to walk in your glory with an unveiled face when everyone else is veiling his."

But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom. And we who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into His likeness with ever increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:16-18

Shaken Not Stirred

It has been a long 24 hours. And it would take forever to explain the whole context of what is going on. I will preface with this: God is a Rock and my Refuge, I will not be greatly shaken. Yet I have been wondering if the ground will stop moving. It will not because God has placed Joel 3:9-10 directly in my path:

Proclaim this among the nations: Consecrate for war; stir up the mighty men. Let all men of war draw near; let them come up. Beat your plowshares into swords, and your prunning hooks into spears; let the weak say, "I am a warrior."

I thought I was shaken by what happened last night, but I am beginning to realize it is actually God stirring me up.

Pieces of the Week

Since I struggle to blog consistently because I never really know what to write or never think its good enough to publish, this is what you get from me this week. Pieces of what happened, pieces of what I learned, just pieces. See if you can put together what my week was like.

"We worship Whom we trust, and we trust Whom we know." David Jeremiah

I parked myself on a rock at Falls park and read, journaled and cried.

Actually went to four different places and online for a new acoustic guitar. Think I may have found one. Should I pull the trigger?

Helped pull off a surprise birthday/bon voyage party for my friend H. Chinese food, cake, Signs, Nicknames, and lots of laughs.

Prayed. Alot. For KG, MD, AG, KF, GP, JW, AZ, AE, AS, NG, MDCK, SDSU.

Read in Deuteronomy, Judges, 1 Samuel, Joshua, and John.

Got less sleep then I should have.

Thought I forgot my wallet, drove all the way home to find it in my purse, which I had already looked through twice.

Rest or Hit the Wall

People pleasing. A habit that has left me on the floor more times than I would like to admit. I know Paul talks about being all things to all people, but I know he sure wasn't a people pleaser.

In God, I am finding my Hiding Place when the world around me is demanding every last bit of strength. My friends, E, L, and K (I laughed when I realized their initials spell ELK) are like a People Pleasing Anonymous group. Together we are learning to rest in God and not in our performances. When one person feels like they are going down, a text or a phone call goes out and the rest of us hit our knees and fight.

All of us long for relationships where we can be vulnerable and still feel safe. K. mentioned that only when we can first be absolutely vulnerable and laid bare before God can we begin to be that kind of vulerable and real with people.

I praise God that I have these three women with whom I can be honest and know that they fight for my heart before God. More than that I praise God that I can come before Him, a perfect, Holy God, with my scarred and sinful self and find unconditional love. Praise Jesus!

Terrified

I am not bold. I am not courageous. I am quite frankly a wimp.

I have lived with a motto: "Let your actions speak louder than your words." Okay what do I do when I sense God is urging me to speak more. How are people supposed to understand why I do things, if I never tell them?

Why? Why am I so afraid to identify myself with Jesus?

Please Move

I have hesitated to reveal my location to the world on my blog, but I'm sending out a major prayer request and I want people to be able to pray specifically for South Dakota State University. I love my campus and have been joining with a few of my fellow students to pray for God to be glorified here since last summer.

It has been an amazing journey to watch God at work in the lives of so many. We have seen people come to know Jesus, we have seen a revival in the hearts and lives of believers, we have seen various campus ministries come together to serve one another and the community, and we have also seen opposition from the Enemy.

Now I sit here in the first full week of the new semester, praying and seeking what is next. I never intended on still being here this year. I earned my BS in December 2007. I thought I would be out with a full-time teaching job. God had other plans.

He kept asking me to pray for SDSU and to seek His heart. I was student teaching but I still attended Navs functions. I met and started to get to know some amazing freshmen and sophomore women. I began to think that God was not done with me yet at SDSU. Shortly after, my advisor came to supervise me in the field and she offered me a graduate assistantship with her starting in January 2008 and the opportunity to stay and pursue my master's degree.

Now here I am a year later. He's still asking me to pray. In this part of the country, like some others, we have people that believe in God and go to Church, but they don't know God. More than that, there is brokeness and darkness. It shows up as driveness, depression, partying, indifference, and anger.

God continues to plant me here. My plans have changed so that I am staying a semester longer than I planned. The blessing is that, this forces me to spread out some of my coursework. I am still on campus, still have a stable job, and mostly this gives me more discretionary time. Yes, time to pray, time to meet and encourage young women, and time to build relationships with my co-workers and students.

I'm asking you to pray for SDSU, but if there is a college or university in your own community, pray for them. College is a strategic time in sharing the gospel. Young people are figuring out what they want their lives to be about on their own for the first, there is an openess that doesn't exist in K-12 schools, and we are truely in desperate times with people looking for hope. Pray for those who lead campus ministries, pray for believing students as they grow in knowledge and trust, and as they interact with non-believers, pray for believing faculty and staff, pray for the lost, pray for God to be glorified.

MC