Like it or not, my life is filled with tension.
As I finished writing that sentence, a picture of a guitar came to mind. While playing guitar is a stress relief, my thoughts have begun revolving around the tension on the strings. Out of proper tension, the guitar is out of tune or under too much tension the string snaps.
But in tune, a pluck of a string produces a sweet tone. All six strings in tune produce an even sweeter harmony.
In life, tension is good. It isn't always easy to hold in a particular place of tension. Right now, I know the tension of one string feels out of sorts and out of tune. I'm holding to a job that isn't going to fully pay the bills within the next two months, I'm trusting God in the waiting to hear back about an interview I had for another job; one that would put me back in a place to be using the education I'm paying for, one working with kids, one that will pay the bills. Yet, also knowing the job I have now is the perfect place for me to be and is consistent with the prayers that I prayed asking God to put me in a place to love and care for those that are weak and sometimes utterly frustrating but producing integrity and real kindness in me.
So again I pray: Lord my life be in a beautiful tension that is a sweet sound to Your ears.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Thursday, June 28, 2012
1700
1700
A slightly random number.
The next person to read my blog will be the 1700th view. In five years. I know many blogs that get that kind of traffic in a day.
This blog has always been more for me than about broadcasting my own message or agenda. Yet, as I have watch the stats increase, I'm ever more aware that my words and thoughts are reaching others.
Jesus, as I wrestle and put these thoughts and prayers out for others see, I ask that you mark them with Your love. I release the kind of peace that surpasses all understanding as so often even as I have written about the struggles I am going though, there is still a peace that rests on me from You that I'm not sure always comes across in my words. Cultivate a place of closeness with them as You have with me. Relentlessly pursue them. Speak to their hearts. Show them how You delight in them. Jesus, I look to You. You are great. You are worthy of everything!
Amen
A slightly random number.
The next person to read my blog will be the 1700th view. In five years. I know many blogs that get that kind of traffic in a day.
This blog has always been more for me than about broadcasting my own message or agenda. Yet, as I have watch the stats increase, I'm ever more aware that my words and thoughts are reaching others.
Jesus, as I wrestle and put these thoughts and prayers out for others see, I ask that you mark them with Your love. I release the kind of peace that surpasses all understanding as so often even as I have written about the struggles I am going though, there is still a peace that rests on me from You that I'm not sure always comes across in my words. Cultivate a place of closeness with them as You have with me. Relentlessly pursue them. Speak to their hearts. Show them how You delight in them. Jesus, I look to You. You are great. You are worthy of everything!
Amen
Monday, June 18, 2012
Will I?
Wounds still dripping, eyes still burning with tears.
The rational thought is for justice. To get payment for another's offense.
My mind easily conjures up recompense that doesn't make me like a villain in light of my demand for imminent justice. I look like the innocent, humble servant.
Soon, I realize the person in my sights is showing signs of the battle.
A fight where no one will be left standing.
But it is less difficult to keep attacking, to keep advancing our place and our name than to see pain reflected in the eyes of our supposed opponent and offer healing instead.
I look at Jesus. He who humbled Himself, becoming a man and willingly giving up His life to heal the wounds of those who killed Him.
What enabled Jesus, who faced this very temptation of mine, to stand?
The very same Holy Spirit that is in me. I have the power of the resurrection.
Will I use it?
Will I choose to love?
Will I bring life?
The rational thought is for justice. To get payment for another's offense.
My mind easily conjures up recompense that doesn't make me like a villain in light of my demand for imminent justice. I look like the innocent, humble servant.
Soon, I realize the person in my sights is showing signs of the battle.
A fight where no one will be left standing.
But it is less difficult to keep attacking, to keep advancing our place and our name than to see pain reflected in the eyes of our supposed opponent and offer healing instead.
I look at Jesus. He who humbled Himself, becoming a man and willingly giving up His life to heal the wounds of those who killed Him.
What enabled Jesus, who faced this very temptation of mine, to stand?
The very same Holy Spirit that is in me. I have the power of the resurrection.
Will I use it?
Will I choose to love?
Will I bring life?
Friday, June 8, 2012
I See You
I sit and unload the burdens and anxieties. I'm asking for peace after the chaos I just walked out of.
It wasn't just the sheer amount of busyness at work, but rather subtle words and actions that leave me tired and on the verge of exhausted tears.
And His word comes: I see you.
I breathe in a slow deep breath, taking in His words and letting the Spirit minister to my heart.
A few tears are released as the tension eases.
He sees me and He knows. He knows my deep, my spirit. So I continue to breathe and find the comfort in the intimate knowledge He has of me.
It wasn't just the sheer amount of busyness at work, but rather subtle words and actions that leave me tired and on the verge of exhausted tears.
And His word comes: I see you.
I breathe in a slow deep breath, taking in His words and letting the Spirit minister to my heart.
A few tears are released as the tension eases.
He sees me and He knows. He knows my deep, my spirit. So I continue to breathe and find the comfort in the intimate knowledge He has of me.
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Hide
"Those who look to the saving God are radiant."
What is the difference between hiding and rejection?
Oh we can hide after being or feeling rejected. I'm really good at this kind of hiding. The kind where I don't want to be found. The kind of hiding where disappearing into the shadows is my solution to eluding the pain.
On a bright sunny day recently, I walked. I walked and I prayed. I asked for some kind of answer to the pain that had yet to go away. I could show anyone the passages in scripture that speak of God's redemption, His healing, His love. But even in the light of day, darkness was overwhelming me. So I hid.
In hiding, I try to do things myself. Things I have no business or ability to do. Like fix my own computer. Sitting there staring at my laptop in pieces, I cried, feeling control and my backup plan shatter into pieces. I knew I could do nothing but more harm if I tried to repair what I had just done.
"Now will you let Me heal you. On My terms."
This kind of exposure to my helplessness, left me in tears. I'm learning to hide in God's presence; to let Him heal me, overshadowing me, to make me confident of His love in all circumstances.
It's harder than I would ever like to admit. I don't really have a clue what I am doing. I've made more mistakes in this week, sinned more, ran back and forth more, seeking shelter, peace in my own way, even after I had His word and promise.
To hide in God and not from Him. It's what I need.
What is the difference between hiding and rejection?
Oh we can hide after being or feeling rejected. I'm really good at this kind of hiding. The kind where I don't want to be found. The kind of hiding where disappearing into the shadows is my solution to eluding the pain.
On a bright sunny day recently, I walked. I walked and I prayed. I asked for some kind of answer to the pain that had yet to go away. I could show anyone the passages in scripture that speak of God's redemption, His healing, His love. But even in the light of day, darkness was overwhelming me. So I hid.
In hiding, I try to do things myself. Things I have no business or ability to do. Like fix my own computer. Sitting there staring at my laptop in pieces, I cried, feeling control and my backup plan shatter into pieces. I knew I could do nothing but more harm if I tried to repair what I had just done.
"Now will you let Me heal you. On My terms."
This kind of exposure to my helplessness, left me in tears. I'm learning to hide in God's presence; to let Him heal me, overshadowing me, to make me confident of His love in all circumstances.
It's harder than I would ever like to admit. I don't really have a clue what I am doing. I've made more mistakes in this week, sinned more, ran back and forth more, seeking shelter, peace in my own way, even after I had His word and promise.
To hide in God and not from Him. It's what I need.
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Worthy
What's a person worth?
The error of that question is to mistakenly think that you can put any kind of numerical value on a person that God has created and called priceless. In effect putting a price on something that is meant to be prized as priceless has left it vulnerable to becoming worthless.
When a person thinks there is a particular price for their worth, they will live up to their billing, and others will treat them that way.
See how pornography and prostitution has completely destroyed the value of women.
See how materialism has put a higher value on things that won't last than on souls that are eternal.
See how abortion has stolen the lives of the innocent.
I dare say that most of the world lives as though they are worthless.
Satan likes it that way.
He came to steal, kill and destroy.
Only Jesus paid the price to restore all people back to their pricelessness. The only one Worthy restores our worth.
"You were bought with a price, therefore honor God with you body."
Beloved, see yourself as Jesus sees you.
The error of that question is to mistakenly think that you can put any kind of numerical value on a person that God has created and called priceless. In effect putting a price on something that is meant to be prized as priceless has left it vulnerable to becoming worthless.
When a person thinks there is a particular price for their worth, they will live up to their billing, and others will treat them that way.
See how pornography and prostitution has completely destroyed the value of women.
See how materialism has put a higher value on things that won't last than on souls that are eternal.
See how abortion has stolen the lives of the innocent.
I dare say that most of the world lives as though they are worthless.
Satan likes it that way.
He came to steal, kill and destroy.
Only Jesus paid the price to restore all people back to their pricelessness. The only one Worthy restores our worth.
"You were bought with a price, therefore honor God with you body."
Beloved, see yourself as Jesus sees you.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Blame
She made me do it!
But he (fill in the blank)...
Well, they didn't do their job, so I gonna do this (not to mention tear down their character)...
Casting blame is easy. Justifying our own sins and actions based on what someone else does. We do anything to keep the spotlight off of our own hearts of imperfection.
Yes, I do this A LOT!
But how Jesus' words and the Holy Spirit have convicted me of the the words that far too easily spill out of my mouth. Words I wouldn't dare to day to their face. Blame. Rejection. Comparison.
All of it to tear down another person or hide my own flaws and mistakes; to place responsibility on another person for my actions.
It has nothing to do with love.
O how I want to learn to humbly love.
I am. From the Master. Speaking blessings and not curses. Praying for a changed heart. A heart that is secure in His Words about me that it doesn't cross my mind to speak poorly of another. And I want to be quick to take the weight of my actions, whether they require a quiet humility to accept praise or to humbly repent.
But how Jesus' words and the Holy Spirit have convicted me of the the words that far too easily spill out of my mouth. Words I wouldn't dare to day to their face. Blame. Rejection. Comparison.
All of it to tear down another person or hide my own flaws and mistakes; to place responsibility on another person for my actions.
It has nothing to do with love.
O how I want to learn to humbly love.
I am. From the Master. Speaking blessings and not curses. Praying for a changed heart. A heart that is secure in His Words about me that it doesn't cross my mind to speak poorly of another. And I want to be quick to take the weight of my actions, whether they require a quiet humility to accept praise or to humbly repent.
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