Will I?

Wounds still dripping, eyes still burning with tears.

The rational thought is for justice.  To get payment for another's offense.

My mind easily conjures up recompense that doesn't make me like a villain in light of my demand for imminent justice.  I look like the innocent, humble servant.

Soon, I realize the person in my sights is showing signs of the battle.

A fight where no one will be left standing.

But it is less difficult to keep attacking, to keep advancing our place and our name than to see pain reflected in the eyes of our supposed opponent and offer healing instead.

I look at Jesus.  He who humbled Himself, becoming a man and willingly giving up His life to heal the wounds of those who killed Him.

What enabled Jesus, who faced this very temptation of mine, to stand?

The very same Holy Spirit that is in me.  I have the power of the resurrection.

Will I use it?

Will I choose to love?

Will I bring life?

I See You

I sit and unload the burdens and anxieties.  I'm asking for peace after the chaos I just walked out of.

It wasn't just the sheer amount of busyness at work, but rather subtle words and actions that leave me tired and on the verge of exhausted tears.

And His word comes: I see you. 


I breathe in a slow deep breath, taking in His words and letting the Spirit minister to my heart.

A few tears are released as the tension eases.

He sees me and He knows.  He knows my deep, my spirit. So I continue to breathe and find the comfort in the intimate knowledge He has of me.

Hide

"Those who look to the saving God are radiant."

What is the difference between hiding and rejection?

Oh we can hide after being or feeling rejected.  I'm really good at this kind of hiding.  The kind where I don't want to be found.  The kind of hiding where disappearing into the shadows is my solution to eluding the pain.

On a bright sunny day recently, I walked.  I walked and I prayed.  I asked for some kind of answer to the pain that had yet to go away.  I could show anyone the passages in scripture that speak of God's redemption, His healing, His love.  But even in the light of day, darkness was overwhelming me.  So I hid.

In hiding, I try to do things myself.  Things I have no business or ability to do.  Like fix my own computer.  Sitting there staring at my laptop in pieces, I cried, feeling control and my backup plan shatter into pieces.  I knew I could do nothing but more harm if I tried to repair what I had just done.


"Now will you let Me heal you.  On My terms."

This kind of exposure to my helplessness, left me in tears.  I'm learning to hide in God's presence; to let Him heal me, overshadowing me, to make me confident of His love in all circumstances.

It's harder than I would ever like to admit.  I don't really have a clue what I am doing.  I've made more mistakes in this week, sinned more, ran back and forth more, seeking shelter, peace in my own way, even after I had His word and promise. 

To hide in God and not from Him.  It's what I need. 

Worthy

What's a person worth?

The error of that question is to mistakenly think that you can put any kind of numerical value on a person that God has created and called priceless.  In effect putting a price on something that is meant to be prized as priceless has left it vulnerable to becoming worthless.

When a person thinks there is a particular price for their worth, they will live up to their billing, and others will treat them that way.

See how pornography and prostitution has completely destroyed the value of women.

See how materialism has put a higher value on things that won't last than on souls that are eternal.

See how abortion has stolen the lives of the innocent.

I dare say that most of the world lives as though they are worthless.

Satan likes it that way.

He came to steal, kill and destroy.

Only Jesus paid the price to restore all people back to their pricelessness.  The only one Worthy restores our worth.

"You were bought with a price, therefore honor God with you body."


Beloved, see yourself as Jesus sees you.

Blame

She made me do it!

But he (fill in the blank)...

Well, they didn't do their job, so I gonna do this (not to mention tear down their character)...

Casting blame is easy.  Justifying our own sins and actions based on what someone else does.  We do anything to keep the spotlight off of our own hearts of imperfection.

Yes, I do this A LOT!

But how Jesus' words and the Holy Spirit have convicted me of the the words that far too easily spill out of my mouth.  Words I wouldn't dare to day to their face.  Blame.  Rejection. Comparison.

All of it to tear down another person or hide my own flaws and mistakes; to place responsibility on another person for my actions.

It has nothing to do with love.

O how I want to learn to humbly love.

I am. From the Master.  Speaking blessings and not curses.  Praying for a changed heart.  A heart that is secure in His Words about me that it doesn't cross my mind to speak poorly of another.  And I want to be quick to take the weight of my actions, whether they require a quiet humility to accept praise or to humbly repent.

Sparks

A preacher I listen to has said, "Jesus is the only one that the Holy Spirit descended on like a dove.  The rest He has come upon like unquenchable fire."

Picking the word Burn for 2012, I wondered, even prayed that God's fire would hit me and I would have no doubt.

God has touched me and my heart wants to sit with Him, praise Him, obey Him, love Him more now than ever before.  But the fire continually comes against the things that don't last.  Yeah...like sin, like fear.  I know far too often I don't feel the weight of grief Jesus has when I disobey, when I hurt someone else, when I am doing anything that is not about knowing and loving Him more and leading others to know and love Him more.  Yes, tears came, as I knew the words that came from my mouth reflected a heart that wasn't fully in love and therefore, tore down His Children.

Yes...burn is the the fire love of Beloved, but it is also the refining fire.  To burn, means nothing will be left untouched.  My prayer is for my heart to be a pure alter of worship to Jesus.  I don't want to live speaking blessings and curses from the same mouth poured out of the same heart.  I want to live with an undivided and burning heart.

Confessing and Contending

In tears and sorrow; a sorrow that leads to repentance and back to life, I found myself weeping.  Other voices in intercession around me, pleading for the church to commands that God gave us to lead us to life. Not dead works of the letter of the law, but life in becoming obedient to the Spirit of the law written on our hearts.

I confessed my idolatry, bowing to gods of my own creation.  I confessed to profaning the Holy name of Jesus, Yahweh.  Treating Your name as a curse instead of a blessing, and misrepresenting You as I bear Your name.  I confessed to murderous thoughts, knowing I had cursed another human being as I drove to this meeting, knowing far too often what came out of my heart and on to my lips was destructive.  I confessed to my adultery, treating my own body as worthless, my heart ready run rather than stand faithful to Him who loves me and bought me with a price.  I confessed to desecrating the Sabbath, working without rest and refusing to turn to Jesus; failing to trust that He will meet my every need without my toiling in worry and anxiety.

Yes, the look at my own heart showed much darkness.  But Jesus is the light of life and NO darkness can stand against that light!   For the beginning of His kingdom coming is the Bride, the Church exalting His leadership and dominion in our hearts.

Then to hear, that He was pleased, delighted at our labors for the church, for the neighborhood, for the city.  He loves when we the church join with Him in His work, contending for His kingdom.  He poured His lavish grace out on us.

The only response fitting was the cry of Revelation 22: Come Lord Jesus!  Come!  The Spirit and the Bride say Come!