I Exalt Thee

Exalted.  Glorified.  Preeminent.  The First Place. 

I want to know nothing but Christ and Him crucified, risen and ascended, and seated at the right hand of the Father.

Words of life.

Without these being true, there is not hope of salvation, new life, restoration and adoption.

In a new season of life where God and I are piece by piece going through both old things we have sorted before in a new perspective and new things He has brought to light for the first time:

Exalted. Glorified. Preeminent.  The First Place.  These must be the context in which I process everything else.

In all things He is glorified.  In all things the dark places cannot put me back in prison.  I have the grace to walk into new things with confidence in Jesus to powerfully prepare the way.

Writing more.
Sharing a story because I know God wants to break off others' chains because He broke off mine.
Risking a first relationship (yes in my mid-twenties)
Walking with a spiritual authority that I haven't because I associated it with the opposite of meekness.

If it's all about me...I'm dead.  This season will be no different than the last and I will miss the "more" God wants to give me.  The more of salvation, new life, restoration and adoption.

If it's all about Him...   No "IF"  It is all about Him! 

I Exalt Thee!



(ps the guitar and drums in this song gives me Holy Spirit chills.)

Tender

My #Oneword2011, beloved has not had the clarity on it that last years word, courage, did.  I know comparing impact is not doing me much good and leads me striving after something that I don't know what it is.  Yet, I want to understand this promise of love, that I believe I have only had a taste of.

But over the last couple of weeks, the part of Beloved that has repeated itself over and over again, is  tenderness.  That tenderness that makes your heart sigh unexpectedly as strength is offered by another and it gently lifts weight off. 

I've seen it in my Jesus who has borne all of my sin and shame, but at the end of the day, speaks life giving words to my heart as He washes my feet of the grime that tries to cling to me.

I've seen it as three sisters layed their hands on me and prayed.  Contending that I would see the Father's heart, covering me with love.  They offered freely of themselves, even as two of them I knew were weary after weeks of international travel and ministry, that I wouldn't have dared to ask, but I received gratefully and humbly.

I've seen it welling up for me for my students.  God's tender love for them is so great, that knowing His heart makes me weep.

I've seen it as the words to the older brother in the parable of the prodigal son, "...you are always with me, and all that is mine, is yours."

This tenderness...leaves me speechless.
Abba, show me more. 

I want to be the older brother.

In the story of the prodigal, I often dismiss the older brother as being a self-righteous punk.  He refuses to join the party when his brother returns.

What the Father says to the older brother outside is convicting and demonstrates how the Father views His riches and possessions.

Son, you are always with Me, and all that is Mine is yours."

Oh... Am I like the older brother?  Do I miss that in Jesus, I possess all of God, the Father's, riches and inheritance?

That is the reality that strikes me.  I already possess the Father's inheritance.

I'm rich, but I live poor.  I get jealous of others because I perceive them receiving more of God's riches than me.  Have I looked around?  Do I see?

I want to be the older brother... who walks into the party, embraces my brother and says, "He loves us both abundantly.  Welcome home.  Let us feast to our Father's goodness to us"

Shaking Off the Dust

Once more I find myself facedown in the dirt.  Covered in dust so completely, it is impossible to imagine being clean.  Sin has made its way back in, the past sitting on my back, pressing me into the earth.

Awake!  Arise!

I hear the call.  I lift my head, dirt caked in my mouth, burning in my eyes and nose.  And I see sandled feet walking towards me.

Arise, my Beloved.

How can I get up...again?  There is this weight, and I'm covered in dirt and shame.

Arise.  Put on your strength.  Loose these bonds around your neck.

He now stands before my head.  He reaches down, and helps me as I rise to stand.  He takes the retched millstone and casts it aside.  Relief floods my body and I begin to hope...maybe this time is different.

You were sold for nothing and you shall be redeemed without cost. 

Shake off the dust.

Put on your beautiful garments.

I look at His face as He speaks these words which hold no comtempt and I see no distain. 

He puts His hands on my shoulders and I look down and suddenly I realize, I'm clean.  Replacing the dusty, rags are royal garments of white, purple and gold.

I jerk my head back up in amazement and He's smiling.

Come and be seated, by my side.

Being Seen

Walking along the river back to my apartment, talking with Jesus, and the subject settled on that I have a hard time looking people in the face.

I can talk and talk and talk, about deep and vulnerable things but I only feel completely exposed when I look someone in the face, in the eyes.  So even just walking down the street, meeting someone elses gaze can feel absolutely terrifying.

What's even more confusing is that I am a people watcher and people reader.  I do that, when I myself, get so uptight when I know I am being watched or someone is trying to read my face.

I want to be seen.  I want to be known.  My face gives away more than even my words.  With my words, I know I can still form, some of what people percieve of me.  Even, if you look at my face while I am talking, I will stare at anything else.  Because, I know I can't hide what is shown in my eyes, and I part of me is scared to see your reaction to me.  I don't want to be rejected.

One of the most profound things Jesus has ever spoken to my heart is:

"Watch my eyes."

It's that place where I am totally exposed.  But the more I look into His eyes as I pray, I believe what He says about me.  I look and I see that He means it when He says,

You shall be a crown of beauty in the hand of the Lord, and a royal diadem in the hand of your God.  You shall no more be termed Forsaken and your land shall no more be termed Desolate, but you shall be called My Delight is in Her... Isaiah 62:4

This isn't the only promise and piece of the heart of God, but it is one that hits at my deepest fear.  That I am nothing to be desired.

I'm still learning to look, and learning to let myself be seen.  And lately, I've been averting my eyes.  But, to know Jesus and that I am BELOVED...

I need to just stare.

Snow Makes Me Smile

It seems recently that every time I get into an in depth time of prayer and journaling, it starts to snow.  The first time, I saw it, I stared and then slowly a smile broke over my face.  Now, each time the snow starts falling as I sit with my Father, I can't help but laugh for joy.  Its the reminder of this:

"...though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool..."  Isaiah 1:18

Its a statement by my Father, that I have been made new, by the blood of the Lamb, the only one worthy to bear the sin of the world.  And it is His declaration that He delights to do this very thing, because God loves His kids. 

Being Rachel

So if you know my name you're going, "What is she talking about? Her name is Melissa. Why is the title, "Being Rachel?" Long story. Here's the short version.

About 3 years ago I was praying and reading in Isaiah 62 where God says, "The nations will see your vindication,and all kings your glory;you will be called by a new name that the mouth of the LORD will bestow." I just simply asked God if He had given me a new name.

A few hours after that I was talking with a friend and she began to pray for me. As she prayed for me, she kept calling me Rachel. She had no idea about my previous prayer, and I was just stunned.

I've been asking God in the time since then why Rachel? In the beginning I really saw it as a reflectin on Rachel being a shepherd.  I was learning that I cared so deeply for others' hearts and that they were being drawn closer to God.

But this was the easy conclusion.  God meant something else by it. 

Rachel is Jacob's beloved.  He does some crazy things for her even on first sight.  Even after being tricked into marrying Leah, seven years more of labor for Rachel was like a day because of Jacob's love for her.

I'm staring at this story thinking to myself, "WHOA! Backup God!  There isn't a man chasing me down like this, so why are you going there?

Fast forward two years of denials and searching for other answers and I'm finally starting to get it.

It's God who loves me jealously. 

I'm not talking about "God is my boyfriend" romantic love.  That's weird.  No this is about God showing me how Jesus has pursued me to make me a part of His bride.  That as I typically did, I saw myself as Leah: unlovable, not beautiful, was to deny the love of my creator.  To say that even though He created me, I wasn't good enough to be loved unconditionally by Him.  Satan loved that I lived as rejected, when Jesus was calling me Beloved and Beautiful.

God has done some crazy things to win my heart.  And I am starting to listen to His voice on this.