CHICAGO!

Well at 8 am tomorrow, 25 of us will head from the windswept prairies to the big city of Chicago. Believe me when I say for some it will be quite the culture shock (When asked why we were going to Chicago for spring break, our fearless leader answered, "Because it will be good for you.")

I am very excited! The road trips are amazing times of bonding and Oh the stories that will come of it. But more important is the call to serve.

We like being called servants, but this trip is going to show how willing we are to be treated as servants. Yes, we have a group composed mainly of hard-working farm kids. It is second nature to most to lend a hand. But we want to follow God's leading to lay down our lives to serve. We're asking God for big, impossible things. So may we set ourselves aside so that Christ may be seen more clearly.

When God Writes Your Life Story

The last entry, the quotes I referenced were from Waking the Dead by John Eldredge. Great book. I am re-reading another book of his, Walking with God, at the same time. The combination of the two, has been rocking my world in an incredibly good way. I am finding what it means to walk intimately with God, following His leading and recieving the life only He offers.

There are things I really thought I wanted but would never have. I believed that in service to God, I had to completely give up my desire for those things to be holy. The truth is, as I have learned to allow those dreams and desires and then turn those back over to God for Him, I see Him meeting some of those things. And now they are like gifts I am receiving, instead of things I had to take.
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I'm not such a wimp to admit that I had to give up a crush on a Godly, young man in my life. As a couple of friends shared a few things with me, I realized, there is much I admire deeply about him, but it was dangerous to my heart to not hold even our friendship with a very open hand.

My friend K, and I are both walking this road of not letting the fear of impending changes (her moving away) keep us from still investing deeply with one another. Believe me, we stink sometimes at not stepping on each others toes or out right hurting one another. I thank Jesus for the grace He is pouring out and for the desire He has put on our hearts that this type of friendship and community should be the norm in the body of Christ and not the exception.
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And then there are those desires that seem childish or selfish, but are really childlike and full of life. Follow me for a second. I have wanted a new acoustic guitar for a couple of years now. I love my starter pack Fender G8, but the more I play, the more I would like a guitar with a smaller body (I'm not a big person 5'4", 120) so that it is easier and more enjoyable to play. I also wanted to get an electric acoustic on the chance, that I would actually do more playing publically and need to have the capability to plug in.

Well, I prayed about the guitar for a while. And the answer I got was: "Delight yourself in Me and I will give you the desires of your heart." So was that a "Yes" or a "No?" To which God replied, "Wait." As I have been waiting on God (and my tax return) I have seen how this is a gift of life to me from my loving Heavenly Father. I never had to strive to earn this guitar. I submitted the desire to God and watched how majestically He cultivated the desire and orchestrated the circumstances to allow me to make the purchase, which I will do Saturday!
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So in some of my desires God has said no, and in not fighting Him for control, He satisfies my heart, which brings me life. And in others He has said yes, but kept my heart in a place where I am not the one making the answer happen, but joyfully receiving life.

As I was feeling very discouraged the other day, I was praying and asking God what was up, He asked me, "what are you holding on to?" As I thought about it, I replied, "My life." What does that bring when you are holding on to your own life? "Death."

When I place my life in my own hands I find death, but whe I place my life in His hands, I find the abundant life He gives

Chewing on This

"There is a glory to your life that your Enemy fears, and he is hell-bent on destroying that glory before you act on it."

My heart is with you to take the territory of your heart back. Keep building the wall.

"It is an akward thing to shimmer when everyone else is not, to walk in your glory with an unveiled face when everyone else is veiling his."

But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom. And we who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into His likeness with ever increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:16-18

Shaken Not Stirred

It has been a long 24 hours. And it would take forever to explain the whole context of what is going on. I will preface with this: God is a Rock and my Refuge, I will not be greatly shaken. Yet I have been wondering if the ground will stop moving. It will not because God has placed Joel 3:9-10 directly in my path:

Proclaim this among the nations: Consecrate for war; stir up the mighty men. Let all men of war draw near; let them come up. Beat your plowshares into swords, and your prunning hooks into spears; let the weak say, "I am a warrior."

I thought I was shaken by what happened last night, but I am beginning to realize it is actually God stirring me up.

Pieces of the Week

Since I struggle to blog consistently because I never really know what to write or never think its good enough to publish, this is what you get from me this week. Pieces of what happened, pieces of what I learned, just pieces. See if you can put together what my week was like.

"We worship Whom we trust, and we trust Whom we know." David Jeremiah

I parked myself on a rock at Falls park and read, journaled and cried.

Actually went to four different places and online for a new acoustic guitar. Think I may have found one. Should I pull the trigger?

Helped pull off a surprise birthday/bon voyage party for my friend H. Chinese food, cake, Signs, Nicknames, and lots of laughs.

Prayed. Alot. For KG, MD, AG, KF, GP, JW, AZ, AE, AS, NG, MDCK, SDSU.

Read in Deuteronomy, Judges, 1 Samuel, Joshua, and John.

Got less sleep then I should have.

Thought I forgot my wallet, drove all the way home to find it in my purse, which I had already looked through twice.

Rest or Hit the Wall

People pleasing. A habit that has left me on the floor more times than I would like to admit. I know Paul talks about being all things to all people, but I know he sure wasn't a people pleaser.

In God, I am finding my Hiding Place when the world around me is demanding every last bit of strength. My friends, E, L, and K (I laughed when I realized their initials spell ELK) are like a People Pleasing Anonymous group. Together we are learning to rest in God and not in our performances. When one person feels like they are going down, a text or a phone call goes out and the rest of us hit our knees and fight.

All of us long for relationships where we can be vulnerable and still feel safe. K. mentioned that only when we can first be absolutely vulnerable and laid bare before God can we begin to be that kind of vulerable and real with people.

I praise God that I have these three women with whom I can be honest and know that they fight for my heart before God. More than that I praise God that I can come before Him, a perfect, Holy God, with my scarred and sinful self and find unconditional love. Praise Jesus!

Terrified

I am not bold. I am not courageous. I am quite frankly a wimp.

I have lived with a motto: "Let your actions speak louder than your words." Okay what do I do when I sense God is urging me to speak more. How are people supposed to understand why I do things, if I never tell them?

Why? Why am I so afraid to identify myself with Jesus?