This is what process looks like...

I nodded my head as they shared their responses to my offering of where I find myself in life.  I was humbled by what these shepherds in my life have seen in me and what they see God doing in and through me. Their words confirmed what internally I already knew:

I need to stay.

I've been in transitional cultures for the last 10 years.  I admit that I've thought that staying anywhere longer than a year, particularly in the Upper Midwest, was being complacent in light of knowing God has called me to the Nations.  If I am called to the Nations, why would God have me stay? Particularly in such a small city.

But what I pridefully failed to understand is that I am not ready.  While I know the glory of this promise, the process is just as glorious, and just as fruitful.  Why wouldn't God keep me in local church where I am loved, provoked, prayed for, and asked to serve?  Why wouldn't He put me in a city where, that while small, I have seen issues that are micro reflections of the issues I see on a global scale?  Why wouldn't God use the process so that my heart is fully His, fully healed?

Stand up, you complacent women;listen to me.  Pay attention to what I say,you overconfident daughters.  In a little more than a year you overconfident ones will shudder,for the vintage will fail and the harvest will not come.  Shudder, you complacent ones;tremble, you overconfident ones!  Strip yourselves bare and put sackcloth around your waists.  Beat your breasts in mourning for the delightful fields and the fruitful vines,  for the ground of my people growing thorns and briers,indeed, for every joyous house in the joyful city.  For the palace will be forsaken,the busy city abandoned.  The hill and the watchtower will become barren places forever,the joy of wild donkeys,and a pasture for flocks,  until the Spirit from heaven is poured out on us.Then the desert will become an orchard,and the orchard will seem like a forest.  Then justice will inhabit the wilderness,and righteousness will dwell in the orchard.  The result of righteousness will be peace;the effect of righteousness will be quiet confidence forever.  Then my people will dwell in a peaceful place,in safe and secure dwellings. ~ Isaiah 32:9-18

I choose to submit to Jesus in the process.  I choose to prepare for the time that I know for certain that the Spirit is sending me out with the word ekballo.  

Being Jesus' disciple and beloved isn't a rush to a particular point of arrival; No it is about embracing a life with Him.  Walking many roads, growing together, living a story with the Author and Perfector.