Within and Without

Sitting on the hill, overlooking the busiest part of the city.  I can see buses pulling in and out of the terminal below, and the brightly colored tents of the market that comes to town on days with 5 and 9 in them.

I'm sitting here trying to make sense of the words of a friend about being drawn to this land, and the history of this city, region, and country I have been reading and hearing about.  The past holds oppression from enemies but also uprising and victory over those oppressors.  There are also tales of mental illness, a unrelenting work ethic, pride, and bitterness.

I'm gripped by how much this place reflects my own story.  I'm held by this one thought:

You must grapple with the evil that presses in and the evil of fallen man within you.

Oppression and injustice have come in from the outside..  Actions and words that make be believe I am unworthy of grace, leave me broken and unsure of how I could be put back together.

Deliver me, O Lord, from evil men; preserve me from violent men, who plan evil things in their heart ans stir up wars continually.  They make their tongue sharp as a serpent's, and under their lips is the venom of asps. Psalm 140:1-3

 I also see my own sin.  Sin that wants to hurt people.  Manipulation.  A selfishness that will take what it wants  no matter the cost.

Search me, O God, and know my heart!  Try me and know my thoughts! And see if their be any grievous way in me... Psalm 139:23-24

 Sitting here and I know what I need: Mercy.


Mercy because justice only goes so far.  Justice would make sure that, both those who left me with scars and I for my crimes, would pay the price.  But mercy triumphs over judgement  Judgement will pay for my grievous mistakes.  Mercy will grant me strength to turn when I want to harm another.  Judgement will pay for my offender.  Mercy will heal every wound and tear in my identity.

I say to the Lord, You are my God; give ear to the voice of my pleas for mercy, O Lord!

This land too, needs mercy.  It needs mercy to forgive.  It needs mercy for unity.  It needs mercy to stand in a God given identity.

So this land and I cry out.  And we wait on the merciful hand of God to redeem the evil that presses in, and the evil that is within.