Had

I don't want to go here, because I am afraid. I don't really know who or if anyone reads my blog. But I will put this out there with the prayer that the person who needs it, may stumble upon it. The basis for this post is from Beth Moore's book, "When Godly People Do Ungodly Things."

Hi, my name is HAD. I can tell that some of you know how I got that name. Some of you may also feel a little nervous. "She isn't going to go there is she? I have been trying to stay in hiding. Why the heck is she bringing this up."

For me, I got the name before I ever came to know Jesus. The thing is, it has stuck with me. Ones who were closest to me, whom I was supposed to be able to trust, pointed me down a road that looked good and like freedom. It was all an illusion. The shackles were locked on. I was HAD.

Jesus came into the picture a few years later. He said,"Follow Me." I knew enough to know that I was going no where. So I agreed. But then He started asking me to do things and go places that I downright thought would kill me. You see, He wanted to take me back to where I was HAD.

I thought that if I followed Him, He would lead me away from those things. Out of sight, out of mind. Just help me be good. He knew I was HAD and HAD needed to go back with HIM, to find HEALING. Without healing, I was still just HAD.

Don't get me wrong, I messed up big time. I was not innocent. I liked my own way, but He showed me it didn't wo rk. His way is the way of love and restoration. To walk down that way, He first, needed to take me back to show the difference between the truth and lies, between trust in myself and trust in HIM.

So what is left after the journey back. Forward momentum. No pride in myself to make things work, and the first steps of walking away from the other name HAD acquired: VICTIM. That is the healing. Just as He took away the guilt and stain of my mistakes in forgiving me, I am learning to walk away from blaming others. Even those who hurt me the most.

I was HAD. Now I am HIS, BELOVED.

Going back into our worst mistakes is hard. I will not deny that in anyway, but it brings so much freedom and joy. God asks us to be real with Him. Not to cover up our guilt and shame with good works, but to let Him take us to His heart of love and forgiveness. (2 Corinthians 5:14-21) We cannot justify ourselves. In accepting Jesus' sacrifice for our sins, our mistakes,we are justified. And just as the Father in the parable of the Prodigal Son comes running, so our Heavenly Father comes running for us, to embrace us and to celebrate that we have come back to Him. (Luke 15:11-32)

MC