Outside the computer

I was thinking how easy it is through a blog, to give a perception of yourself that is so far from your real self. If anyone is actually reading this, I really have no clue. This week has been another roller coaster. I really, really wanted to punch someone the other day. I have been moody and emotional. I have lacked motivation.

I'm not perfect...okay so you knew that already.

I was listening in on a conversation, yesterday. Right or wrong, we'll just go back to the statement that I am not perfect, and I am pretty sure they knew I was listening. Two passionate young men were discussing with wise counsel about their plans for a new venture. Am I a bad person for praying against it? I am not against change. I have already been hit with that this semester. I do see God at work in the place these young men want to go. I hesitate at the way the want to do this. (I know I am being vague.) They asked for prayer, and so I am.


I'll be more clear with this next thought that has been rolling around. I am looking at 2-3 different options for what happens after I graduate. One is doing full-time ministry for a year or two. I like this option, but the thing is, my family is not for it. They are asking me to really consider if this is the best thing for me, especially in light of college loans and the economy. This would require me to fundraise around $30,000 for a salary. The next thing I am considering is to look for a job in at a camp. Most camps operate year-round and need staff. I have a backround in physical education, which I think would be awesome to use as a program director or adventure camping staff. Of the three, this is the least likely for me to pursue. I don't know if these opportunities exist. The most logical option is to teach. I love teaching. I am fairly sure I could find a job and it would be stable. The part that gets me is that teaching in a public school seems like I won't have the opportunities to meet with and disciple young women, which is something I love and am passionate about.

As I was praying yesterday, I asked God to reveal which one is His will. To which He replied, " I will bless you." I ask for specifics and He asks me to trust. I wanted to be frustrated and annoyed but how can I be when He has said that He will bless me, that He is giving me His divine favor? This is hard. I am likely to write many times over about this process. Walking with God is simple, hide in Him and trust, but it is not easy.

Well