I'm Bad with Chaos

I can deal with a room full of screaming kids.

I can even deal with piles of stuff laying around the apartment.

I have a corner in my room where everything I don't know what to do with, gets thrown there.

I have a junk drawer in my desk..

Once or twice a year, everything in my living space gets torn out of its current location, leaving me surrounded by  by a debris, looking something like a tornado went through.

The thing is:  I get rid of stuff and stuff gets put back in order.

I can't live in continual chaos.

Evidenced yesterday by how I took to task this mess, while everyone else around me backed away...

I think I crave order in some places because I allow chaos in others.  But order takes work.  That is the second law of thermodynamics.  Sometimes it's overwhelming to take physical messes like this.

But what is even harder, is to sort through spiritual messes of this magnitude.  Because, you have to move things more than once.  You have to throw some things away...and you worry you will throw away something valuable.  But the cost of leaving the mess...

Confusion...restlessness...stumbling...fear...


And God is so kind to lead us through by the Holy Spirit:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard you hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

The Hard Answer

Yesterday, a friend from camp contacted me with the question:

What the heck are you doing in Korea?!

Well...the easy answer is that I am teaching English to Korean children.

What is the hard answer?

I've answered this question once already once

 But the longer I am here, more of the story unfolds.

Being Korea is about this time of training that God intends to use the rest of my life, and its about being Beloved

It's about seeing again and again a people that have been oppressed, and instead of bowing, rise, not to strike their oppressors, but as a people rise again.

It's about, personally, facing disappointment, rejection, condemnation, rising again to bless and not curse.

In Korean there is a term, its called "Han."  To them, it is an anger, unfinished business, but as a friend explained it, it is about  driving force to stand up, as a Korean, out from oppression, an oppression that sought  to erase their identity.

Now sometimes, the nationalism pushes over the good of others. (Some of my students said they were happy about what happened to Japan.)  But a people that rises out of oppression, in love, will bless even their enemies.

Do I bless my enemies?  Do I allow God to raise me up to the point that my heart is soft enough to plead  for those, even those who hurt me, to be raised up out of all oppression?

This is the hard answer: I needed to see this.  I needed to experience this

The Old, The New, The Same

"When you read through the old testament, especially the Genesis through Deuteronomy, make sure to also read some of the gospels or epistles."

Good advice.  It keeps in perspective of how God led Israel and how Jesus fulfills the law perfectly for us, as God's holiness demands perfection.  It keeps the gospel pure.  We see how impossible the standard is for us to earn righteousness and make ourselves holy.

I finished reading Isaiah a few weeks ago and transitioned into a time of reading mostly from John, Acts, Galatians and Ephesians.  This week though, I noticed something...

I need to read in the old testament at the same time I read the new testament especially when I read the gospels and epistles.


It keeps clear in my mind the Holy and fierce God who did reach down to redeem man, and fulfill the promises He spoke throughout history before Christ came, before the Holy Spirit dwelt on believers and the church existed.

I need to see the pursuit of God after mankind. The pursuit that shows a fierce love and jealousy for His people.  Pursuit that: "Burns like fire in a bush, shakes the earth, takes a people captive so they might see the captivity to sin in their hearts.


I can't control or manipulate a God like that.  But I need a God like that to show that Jesus dying for my sin was the drastic measure that God took, so that I would be with Him...Forever.  

Sometimes I Forget...

...that I am a fighter, although I fight for others before I will fight for myself...

...that I love stories because that's how I get to understand a person...

...that I need details because as a whole they give me the bigger picture...

...that I get so frustrated with negativity because it feeds my own...

...that people do like me...

...that I have cried over people who are in bondage, both physical and spiritual...

...that the Holy Spirit is always in me...

....that pray continually, means that the conversation with God can picked up any time...

...that I am goofy and Jesus loves that about me...

...that I can still be a little girl with my Daddy, even in my mid-twenties...

This is true worship.  All of me, at Your feet.  I love you Abba.

Cry of the Saints

He stands the book in his hands

Holding back tears he catches his breath

From his flock his eyes rest on the cross

Raises his voice to lead the cry

Chorus

Holy, holy, holy is the lamb

Jesus Christ our sacrifice

Sin and death can’t hold us now

By His blood we are alive

Reaching for her coffee cup she smiles

He heart is lighter and freer after finding grace

With her friend who listens, speaks Truth and prays

Together in battle, their spirits’ cry

Taste of heaven in a distant land

Faith heard not by words but in passionate voice

A different culture but the same Lord

From all nations comes the cry

We wait, we hope for His coming

Anticipating the day of redemption

The multitude gathered round the throne

The marriage feast of lamb finally come

Victorious salvation, dancing in exultation

In a roar like thunder, the saints cry!

I wrote this about a year and a half ago.  Its based on Hebrews 10:19-25; Revelation 19:6-8; and Revelation 22:20; and some personal experiences of the meaning and implications of the gospel in our lives.  We wait for Jesus' return together.  

 Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus, by the new and living way that he opened for us through the curtain, that is, through his flesh, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.~ Hebrews 10:19-25

 Then I heard what seemed to be the voice of a great multitude, like the roar of many waters and like the sound of mighty peals of thunder, crying out,"Hallelujah!For the Lord our God   the Almighty reigns.Let us rejoice and exult   and give him the glory,for the marriage of the Lamb has come,   and his Bride has made herself ready; it was granted her to clothe herself   with fine linen, bright and pure"—   for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints ~ Revelation 19:6-8.

 He who testifies to these things says, "Surely I am coming soon." Amen! Come, Lord Jesus!~ Revelation 22:20

The Perfect Spot

Anyone who frequents coffee shops has their favorite "Spot."

It's the combination of the taste of the coffee, the baristas who tend the place, the food (if they have it), the atmosphere of the place, and the other people who frequent the spot.

Back in the States, my place was Cottonwood Bistro.  The coffee was great, the food outstanding, you could strike up a conversation with any of the baristas and some would know my usual order, the atmosphere was quieter than many busy coffee shops but the place wasn't ever dead, and I would usually see someone I knew or  I would meet someone new.

I spent hours there.  Reading, journaling, studying, working on my thesis, and sharing life with some amazing women.

Coming to Naju, I was on the lookout for the place that would be my new "Spot."

Dunkin Donuts, although nicer than any American Dunkin Donuts, was the really busy place. They have an awesome ham, egg and cheese breakfast sandwich, but with people constantly coming and going, it bordered on chaotic.

An new place run by Australian national, that opened just down the street from my apartment.  Because of that, you can run into English speakers when you are there, but the coffee wasn't that great, and for some reason, it felt tense.

Then I found it.  Yedam Coffee.  (Actually it's Coffee Yedam, but its more fun to say it the other way)  It is run by the Aunt of one of the students at the academy.  She doesn't speak any English, but she is kind and patient with this foreigner.  The coffee is great.  The muffins are awesome and in traditional Korean hospitality, occasionally I get some free fruit or crackers.   The place is busy but there is a calm, warm feeling.  I love going there to sit, read, think, pray and journal about this whole experience.

I have my spot.  Where's yours?

Why Did Paul Say...?

(I think I may try to posts over times about the things that Paul wrote to the churches)

"...that according to the riches of His glory he may grand you to be strengthened through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith-- that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God."  Ephesians 4:15-19.


Now this is an awesome prayer and I have prayed it for myself and others more than once.  But this morning, I did a double take and my brain went, "Whhaa?"

It takes strength to comprehend the love of God.  Why?


Because God's love will drive out everything I use to build my life upon other than Him.

His love goes after the fullness of my heart and worship.   It takes strength because the refining process, while having the end result that I know with every fiber of my being that I am loved fully, is walking through the fire, is being caught in the whirlwind.

And the old self fights hard for life.  So I pray for strength so that I may die, that His love may bring life in me...fully.