Tales of a Waygook

"And the foreigners who join themselves to the LORD, to minister to him, to love the name of the LORD, and to be his servants, everyone who keeps the Sabbath and does not profane it, and holds fast my covenant  these I will bring to my holy mountain, and make them joyful in my house of prayer; their burnt offerings and their sacrifices will be accepted on my altar; for my house shall be called a house of prayer for all peoples."

I am a foreigner. I'm the one looking for peanut butter and ranch dressing.  I'm also the one who doesn't understand why the heck you can't just throw the toilet paper in the toilet. Not to mention that the only Korean I really understand besides "Hello, Goodbye and Thank you."are the words that come from English.

It's a wonderful life that is strange and fascinating.  Along with the other waygooks (foreigners) we have a third culture that seems both crazy to the Koreans, as well as, any of the people from our home countries.

The last week and a half I have been memorizing the passage above from Isaiah.   The more I say it the more I get this:

We're all foreigners.

The only place I get comfortable and joyful is in God's presence.  Every other place feels foreign. 

When I talk about Jesus to others, its talking about the one place that is home.  Cause home is where I feel safe.  The more I get to know Jesus, and He asks me questions that open up my heart, draws me into His holiness and righteousness, and no one else gets that deep and leaves me that at peace.

So when I walk about town or when I am with other foreigners, the feeling isn't that much different.

I want others to know Home too.  I want be with peoples from every nation in the house of the Lord.  I want to welcome every person and join together in worshipping Jesus.

The Whirlwind.

Walking once again along the river, in what has become my favorite place to retreat from the world and pray. Occasionally, I have to dodge cars, and more than a couple questioning looks from the locals who find the mi-gook(American) a very odd sight.

Father, I discern the resistance in my own heart to you.  I need You Holy Spirit to break down these walls and shake everything, that can be shaken.

In my mind and my spirit I get a picture so vivid that I swear its real.

The Whirlwind.

He shows me the whirlwind. Like the Pillar of Fire that led the Israelites through the wilderness.  And I know this:  it consumes everything.

He jealously wants my resistance to His love to come down more than I even do.  And though the thought of being wrecked by the whirlwind of the Holy Spirit leave me down right terrified, I know that asking God to do this, will set me free and bind me even closer to the Holy One's side. 

So I stare at the whirlwind of Holiness.  I fear His awesomeness.  I know that I need everything that hinders love: sin, fear, condemnation to be consumed.  And He will do it, to the end that I find myself learning that I am truely His Beloved

What Would Happen If I Stopped Writing?

Since the middle of October I have written nearly 100 pages, front and back, in a large 5 subject, college ruled notebook. I've written 11 blog posts, which is alot considering I only wrote 22 posts all of 2010.

The thing is...I could have written so much more. I censor myself.

Even in my journaling, which is supposed to be just between me and Jesus, I will hold back, I will let myself be destracted by other things, I tell myself I will do it later...

Except later never happens, and things that God brings to my attention, things I need to have record of, slip away, and I lose the more that God wants to give me.

I don't write here on my blog very often because it requires me to focus and feel like I have to have something profound to say. And sometimes I wonder if anyone even read this or does everything I pour into a post, never find anyone's eyes and heart. Maybe that is a prideful motivation. Maybe I need to remember that ultimately I write because it has drawn me closer to Jesus.

And if the Holy Spirit uses it with others, well, that is His work not mine.

I want to be a good steward of my talent. And not bury it.

So I'm going to make an investment. Starting now, I'm going to try to post everyday for a month. Pictured is my list of ideas.

Entering Into The Land

I wrote the first part of this 3 weeks ago.

I've been in South Korea for 4 months.  I've been living here, working here, doing church here, my life built around being here, but until this weekend, I didn't feel like I had fully entered into this land. 

Something about Korea drew me here, I had alot of seperate pieces as to what I was doing here, but it was like I was still wandering around like the Israelites in the wilderness.

I took a 3 hour train ride north and met up with two friends who were passing through Seoul and a now friend, who lives just outside of Seoul.  We spent an afternoon catching up, getting to know each other, we then went on a crazy adventure into the heart of the city.  With another new Korean friend (to me) for a guide, he shared about some Korean history as we walked around and as we shared a delicious meal together.

In all these conversation Jesus was already revealing that my heart was both confused and closed off in places .  I was trying to be enthusiatic and passionate in the way that drove me through all the hurdles it took to get here but I didn't know what I was doing.  It was like trying to ride a bicycle in mud and in many ways I was about to call it quits, put my head down and just survive the rest of my time in Korea.

I saw how I was taking offense at so many little things.  I let them bother me, irritate me so that I didn't want to understand the poeple and the land.  But I watched my friends see this place and people with joy.  They prayed the heart of God over me and in that I could see the places I had hardened.

The more we talked, the more they prayed, my heart got set free, and I could see more clearly.  I felt welcomed into this land.  To explore it, to love its people, to pray for it.

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Now 3 weeks after I first wrote this I am still seeing God open my heart to this land.  Especially the region where I live in Naju and Gwangju, which has its own story.  A story of fighting against injustice and oppression.  Something that resonates with my own story.

I stood on the mountain today overlooking most of Naju and God spoke to my heart of how the heart of this place and my own heart are intertwined.  As their voices begin to cry out, my own voice cries out for Jesus as never before. As I begin to yield in a new way to God's authority and understand the measure that I carry His authority as a co-heir, At the same time in this land I see a spirit of rebellion that has risen up in the place of the spirit of contention that marked their uprising against injustice and oppression.  I pray, God's true authority will be revealed.  And we are both called to a new level of surrender in God's sovereign plan. 

This is my place.  Not striving but living and breathing.  Come Lord Jesus,  show me more of this land.

I Exalt Thee

Exalted.  Glorified.  Preeminent.  The First Place. 

I want to know nothing but Christ and Him crucified, risen and ascended, and seated at the right hand of the Father.

Words of life.

Without these being true, there is not hope of salvation, new life, restoration and adoption.

In a new season of life where God and I are piece by piece going through both old things we have sorted before in a new perspective and new things He has brought to light for the first time:

Exalted. Glorified. Preeminent.  The First Place.  These must be the context in which I process everything else.

In all things He is glorified.  In all things the dark places cannot put me back in prison.  I have the grace to walk into new things with confidence in Jesus to powerfully prepare the way.

Writing more.
Sharing a story because I know God wants to break off others' chains because He broke off mine.
Risking a first relationship (yes in my mid-twenties)
Walking with a spiritual authority that I haven't because I associated it with the opposite of meekness.

If it's all about me...I'm dead.  This season will be no different than the last and I will miss the "more" God wants to give me.  The more of salvation, new life, restoration and adoption.

If it's all about Him...   No "IF"  It is all about Him! 

I Exalt Thee!



(ps the guitar and drums in this song gives me Holy Spirit chills.)

Tender

My #Oneword2011, beloved has not had the clarity on it that last years word, courage, did.  I know comparing impact is not doing me much good and leads me striving after something that I don't know what it is.  Yet, I want to understand this promise of love, that I believe I have only had a taste of.

But over the last couple of weeks, the part of Beloved that has repeated itself over and over again, is  tenderness.  That tenderness that makes your heart sigh unexpectedly as strength is offered by another and it gently lifts weight off. 

I've seen it in my Jesus who has borne all of my sin and shame, but at the end of the day, speaks life giving words to my heart as He washes my feet of the grime that tries to cling to me.

I've seen it as three sisters layed their hands on me and prayed.  Contending that I would see the Father's heart, covering me with love.  They offered freely of themselves, even as two of them I knew were weary after weeks of international travel and ministry, that I wouldn't have dared to ask, but I received gratefully and humbly.

I've seen it welling up for me for my students.  God's tender love for them is so great, that knowing His heart makes me weep.

I've seen it as the words to the older brother in the parable of the prodigal son, "...you are always with me, and all that is mine, is yours."

This tenderness...leaves me speechless.
Abba, show me more. 

I want to be the older brother.

In the story of the prodigal, I often dismiss the older brother as being a self-righteous punk.  He refuses to join the party when his brother returns.

What the Father says to the older brother outside is convicting and demonstrates how the Father views His riches and possessions.

Son, you are always with Me, and all that is Mine is yours."

Oh... Am I like the older brother?  Do I miss that in Jesus, I possess all of God, the Father's, riches and inheritance?

That is the reality that strikes me.  I already possess the Father's inheritance.

I'm rich, but I live poor.  I get jealous of others because I perceive them receiving more of God's riches than me.  Have I looked around?  Do I see?

I want to be the older brother... who walks into the party, embraces my brother and says, "He loves us both abundantly.  Welcome home.  Let us feast to our Father's goodness to us"