Sight

I woke up Sunday morning and my eye was red. I thought it was probably just from a lack of sleep and went about my day. By the time, Tuesday rolled around, my eye was bright red, the pupil was tightly constricted and I had a painful sensitivity to light.

A trip to the clinic, followed by a referral to an opthamologist revealed a condition I had never heard of before: Iritis (inflammation of the eye).

I've been frustrated as this has meant putting prescription eye drops in every three hours and has forced me to forsake my contacts for glasses. Its inconvienient, annoying and down right constricting to my normal way of life.

BUT...its for the sake of my sight. Untreated, the inflammation can cause any number of complications including permanent damage to the eye.

God has changed up my daily routines this week and put me in situations I am far from comfortable with. He has asked me to review some of my beliefs about certain things He says in His Word.

He has asked that I think less about what will be quick and less messy in ministry in my last semester and instead invest in places I have not before and be vulnerable and willing to His leading. To walk away from a group of dear friends (on good terms) to spend time with international students.

God has given me His heart for the nations, something that was borne when I was in the Phillipines (picture above). As that continues to grow, God is stretching me out of my introverted, self-focused, comfortable self (I've used introversion as an excuse when the latter two were more the issue).

Just as obeying doctor's is essential to preserving my physical vision, listening to and following Jesus' voice is essential to preserving my spiritual vision for His kingdom.

The Sound of His Heartbeat

dumdum dat dum dumdum dat dum

The rhythm bounces in my mind and my body moves with it. The sound of the drums echo through the room. The tips of the fingers on my left hand are now essentially numb and my right arm aching from playing guitar for two hours.

But there was no where else I would have rather been on a Friday night. Gathered in a small room of a church were around 20 people, and answer to prayer.

I can guess what things sparked this spontaneous prayer session. But as the drums played, I could sense the Spirit saying, "Listen to My heartbeat,
for this campus,
this community,
this nation,
for all nations,
for each person here,
for you."

I want nothing more than to continue to live so close to Him that I can always hear His heartbeat. At the moment it beats, "Prepare yourself, prepare yourself."

What is His heartbeat saying for you?

When Words Give Life.

Writing has become more than just theraputic to me. In writing, I have grown closer to Jesus. As I journal, putting thoughts and prayers to paper, He speaks to my heart.

From gentle rebukes, to the kind words of a Father, to cutting but not condemning convictions, to tender whispers of healing, to powerful affirmations of His glory, to clear reminders of the Truth of His written Word.

In writting I have learned Jesus' voice better, and even more transformational is that I have learned His heart better.

His words are life-giving and I through out my journals, I see Him. Drawing, inviting, healing, transforming. On days I go back to re-read them, I am awed by Him and His faithful pursuit of my heart. I am encouraged forward. Persevering in the face of life doesn't leave me defeated, when compared with knowing Him

My journals are the cheapest spiral notebooks I can find. They get beat-up as I tote them around with me, many lose their covers by the time they are filled, but they are immeasureably valuable.

Courage.

2010 is upon me. It is the year that I will turn a quarter-century old. I will graduate with a master's degree and it will be a great year of transistion. And the truth is;

I am afraid. I'm feeling overwhelmed at another step in growing up.

Yet, I can't wait. To see God's plan unfold and to enjoy the journey as I go.

So my word for 2010 is courage. I pray for courage to walk well, to not give into fear, and to obey the One Voice that beckens me.

I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living! Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD! ~ Psalm 27:13-14

ICU and a Man Named Mike

Last Friday night I rode with my sweet friend K to see her grandpa who is in ICU in a town 2 hours away. While I wasn't facing the same emotions as her and her family, the whole night was a precious experience.

I sat in the waiting room while others took turns going into the room. I had met everyone who was there, except for one aunt, during the summer. The conversation bounced back and forth between serious and humorous, between the decisions that needed to be made based on what the doctor was saying and teasing one another about many different things.

We loaded up and headed out to a restaurant to eat after the ICU closed to visitors. Once there, they seated our party of 7 in the back. As we headed back, we passed a booth, where a man, disheveled and scruffy, was slumped over sleeping, with only a pot of coffee and a glass of water on the table.

We ordered and K's dad mentioned the man, whom many of us had not even seen walking in. Someone said we should ask if he had anything to eat. We stopped a waiter and asked if he knew if the guy was homeless. The young man said that he was and that usually the restaurant would give him food at the end of the night.

After we got our food, our table continued to talk about the man, and it was suggested that we should ask him if he wanted a meal and we would buy it for him. When our waitress stopped to checked on us, we asked her if she would see if he wanted to order something. She walked over and woke him up. She came back over and said he ordered a meal.

Later as we were almost finished, the first waiter came over and told us, " Mike says thank you."

You know, what gets me most is that when we walked in, no one knew what that family was facing; the possibility of losing a father and a grandfather. And, they were loud and rambunctious as we went through our meal. But they looked out for the interests of another, someone who needed a warm meal.

The Gift of Presence

This weekend was precious to me. The events and experiences stirred my spirit and I praise God for His goodness.

I took the opportunity to spend time with my sweet friend, K. The context of this time was riding with her to see her grandpa who is in ICU in a town 2 hours away. There was a hard reality that she and her family are facing, but the tenderness I saw among them, and the deep conversation we got to share, was a beautiful reminder of the gracious presence of Jesus with us in every situation.

Then I had to privilege to have a young woman over to my place for dinner and to use my place a study refuge for finals week. It reminded me of God's call to us to come away to Him. To lay down everything, and be with someone who loves you deeply.

See, difficulties get thrown our way everyday. They will seek to take out our hearts, where the Enemy, loves to deceive us into believing that life is too hard, that is easier to give up than to keep fighting for God's kingdom.

This weekend I saw, where God has called me away to His presence to rest. He has been with me in every moment of pain and sorrow, meeting me with His tender presence. I don't need the circumstances to change to have peace. And I know more than ever what the Gift of His presence cost Him. He sent Jesus to be the atoning sacrifice that I could enjoy and worship in His presence forever. Thank You Abba, in this season for the Ultimate Gift. The gift of Jesus, the gift. of Your presence

Yes

It was just over a year ago, a group of people called The Traveling Team came to speak on campus. They revealed God's great commission through out scripture and not just Matthew 28:18-20. They challenged us to ask ourselves if our "yes" was on the table.

YES meaning that we were actively seeking God for direction and if He asked us to move anywhere to see His gospel and kingdom advance, we'd be willing to obey.

This summer I tried pulling my YES off the table. The thought of leaving the people and place where I am at seemed too much to ask. But as I prayed, and sat at Jesus feet, the more I saw His heart and the things He desires.

I am more convinced today than ever, even knowing the reality of the situation that awaits me, that after I graduate in May, I am off to a land far from my own. Some days I feel more ready than others. In the moments I am afraid, God gently reminds me that He prepared me for this and that He goes with me. In the moments I can hardly wait, I dance for joy that He chose me.

Either way, my answer is:

YES!!!

You said, "Ask and I'll give the nations to you." Oh Lord, that's the cry of my heart