2010 is upon me. It is the year that I will turn a quarter-century old. I will graduate with a master's degree and it will be a great year of transistion. And the truth is;
I am afraid. I'm feeling overwhelmed at another step in growing up.
Yet, I can't wait. To see God's plan unfold and to enjoy the journey as I go.
So my word for 2010 is courage. I pray for courage to walk well, to not give into fear, and to obey the One Voice that beckens me.
I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living! Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD! ~ Psalm 27:13-14
Monday, January 4, 2010
Friday, December 18, 2009
ICU and a Man Named Mike
Last Friday night I rode with my sweet friend K to see her grandpa who is in ICU in a town 2 hours away. While I wasn't facing the same emotions as her and her family, the whole night was a precious experience.
I sat in the waiting room while others took turns going into the room. I had met everyone who was there, except for one aunt, during the summer. The conversation bounced back and forth between serious and humorous, between the decisions that needed to be made based on what the doctor was saying and teasing one another about many different things.
We loaded up and headed out to a restaurant to eat after the ICU closed to visitors. Once there, they seated our party of 7 in the back. As we headed back, we passed a booth, where a man, disheveled and scruffy, was slumped over sleeping, with only a pot of coffee and a glass of water on the table.
We ordered and K's dad mentioned the man, whom many of us had not even seen walking in. Someone said we should ask if he had anything to eat. We stopped a waiter and asked if he knew if the guy was homeless. The young man said that he was and that usually the restaurant would give him food at the end of the night.
After we got our food, our table continued to talk about the man, and it was suggested that we should ask him if he wanted a meal and we would buy it for him. When our waitress stopped to checked on us, we asked her if she would see if he wanted to order something. She walked over and woke him up. She came back over and said he ordered a meal.
Later as we were almost finished, the first waiter came over and told us, " Mike says thank you."
You know, what gets me most is that when we walked in, no one knew what that family was facing; the possibility of losing a father and a grandfather. And, they were loud and rambunctious as we went through our meal. But they looked out for the interests of another, someone who needed a warm meal.
I sat in the waiting room while others took turns going into the room. I had met everyone who was there, except for one aunt, during the summer. The conversation bounced back and forth between serious and humorous, between the decisions that needed to be made based on what the doctor was saying and teasing one another about many different things.
We loaded up and headed out to a restaurant to eat after the ICU closed to visitors. Once there, they seated our party of 7 in the back. As we headed back, we passed a booth, where a man, disheveled and scruffy, was slumped over sleeping, with only a pot of coffee and a glass of water on the table.
We ordered and K's dad mentioned the man, whom many of us had not even seen walking in. Someone said we should ask if he had anything to eat. We stopped a waiter and asked if he knew if the guy was homeless. The young man said that he was and that usually the restaurant would give him food at the end of the night.
After we got our food, our table continued to talk about the man, and it was suggested that we should ask him if he wanted a meal and we would buy it for him. When our waitress stopped to checked on us, we asked her if she would see if he wanted to order something. She walked over and woke him up. She came back over and said he ordered a meal.
Later as we were almost finished, the first waiter came over and told us, " Mike says thank you."
You know, what gets me most is that when we walked in, no one knew what that family was facing; the possibility of losing a father and a grandfather. And, they were loud and rambunctious as we went through our meal. But they looked out for the interests of another, someone who needed a warm meal.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
The Gift of Presence
This weekend was precious to me. The events and experiences stirred my spirit and I praise God for His goodness.
I took the opportunity to spend time with my sweet friend, K. The context of this time was riding with her to see her grandpa who is in ICU in a town 2 hours away. There was a hard reality that she and her family are facing, but the tenderness I saw among them, and the deep conversation we got to share, was a beautiful reminder of the gracious presence of Jesus with us in every situation.
Then I had to privilege to have a young woman over to my place for dinner and to use my place a study refuge for finals week. It reminded me of God's call to us to come away to Him. To lay down everything, and be with someone who loves you deeply.
See, difficulties get thrown our way everyday. They will seek to take out our hearts, where the Enemy, loves to deceive us into believing that life is too hard, that is easier to give up than to keep fighting for God's kingdom.
This weekend I saw, where God has called me away to His presence to rest. He has been with me in every moment of pain and sorrow, meeting me with His tender presence. I don't need the circumstances to change to have peace. And I know more than ever what the Gift of His presence cost Him. He sent Jesus to be the atoning sacrifice that I could enjoy and worship in His presence forever. Thank You Abba, in this season for the Ultimate Gift. The gift of Jesus, the gift. of Your presence
I took the opportunity to spend time with my sweet friend, K. The context of this time was riding with her to see her grandpa who is in ICU in a town 2 hours away. There was a hard reality that she and her family are facing, but the tenderness I saw among them, and the deep conversation we got to share, was a beautiful reminder of the gracious presence of Jesus with us in every situation.
Then I had to privilege to have a young woman over to my place for dinner and to use my place a study refuge for finals week. It reminded me of God's call to us to come away to Him. To lay down everything, and be with someone who loves you deeply.
See, difficulties get thrown our way everyday. They will seek to take out our hearts, where the Enemy, loves to deceive us into believing that life is too hard, that is easier to give up than to keep fighting for God's kingdom.
This weekend I saw, where God has called me away to His presence to rest. He has been with me in every moment of pain and sorrow, meeting me with His tender presence. I don't need the circumstances to change to have peace. And I know more than ever what the Gift of His presence cost Him. He sent Jesus to be the atoning sacrifice that I could enjoy and worship in His presence forever. Thank You Abba, in this season for the Ultimate Gift. The gift of Jesus, the gift. of Your presence
Friday, December 4, 2009
Yes
It was just over a year ago, a group of people called The Traveling Team came to speak on campus. They revealed God's great commission through out scripture and not just Matthew 28:18-20. They challenged us to ask ourselves if our "yes" was on the table.
YES meaning that we were actively seeking God for direction and if He asked us to move anywhere to see His gospel and kingdom advance, we'd be willing to obey.
This summer I tried pulling my YES off the table. The thought of leaving the people and place where I am at seemed too much to ask. But as I prayed, and sat at Jesus feet, the more I saw His heart and the things He desires.
I am more convinced today than ever, even knowing the reality of the situation that awaits me, that after I graduate in May, I am off to a land far from my own. Some days I feel more ready than others. In the moments I am afraid, God gently reminds me that He prepared me for this and that He goes with me. In the moments I can hardly wait, I dance for joy that He chose me.
Either way, my answer is:
YES!!!
You said, "Ask and I'll give the nations to you." Oh Lord, that's the cry of my heart
YES meaning that we were actively seeking God for direction and if He asked us to move anywhere to see His gospel and kingdom advance, we'd be willing to obey.
This summer I tried pulling my YES off the table. The thought of leaving the people and place where I am at seemed too much to ask. But as I prayed, and sat at Jesus feet, the more I saw His heart and the things He desires.
I am more convinced today than ever, even knowing the reality of the situation that awaits me, that after I graduate in May, I am off to a land far from my own. Some days I feel more ready than others. In the moments I am afraid, God gently reminds me that He prepared me for this and that He goes with me. In the moments I can hardly wait, I dance for joy that He chose me.
Either way, my answer is:
YES!!!
You said, "Ask and I'll give the nations to you." Oh Lord, that's the cry of my heart
Monday, November 23, 2009
Rest for the weary
Sunday Pastor Scott spoke on rest for the second week. And by the end the Holy Spirit led him to speak a third week on rest next week. In his words, "it is too important for us to get this."
Sheesh...after another kick in the pants, I prepare for another. "Rest is more than a stop from working, it is actively seeking God and His rest." Pastor Scott asked us to honestly evaluate our weeks. Are we lazy? Or are we mistakenly believing that we must squeeze every ounce of productivity that we can out of every single moment?
Sometimes I think it is both. I get distracted easily and don't always use my time effectively when I need to, and then end up stressed because I procrastinated. Other times, I end up carrying a burden where I never stop to trust that if something doesn't get done that things will be okay. That God will work it out.
Then I also wondered about my weekend. It was full of time with friends. Friday night I got to go to a high school play to watch a good friend and then spend time playing games after. Saturday during the day, I did some work on my research and some other projects, but then that night, I went with friends to a great dinner and then live music. I often wonder about the value of entertainment. But I really enjoyed that time. I relaxed and was able to put the workload behind me because the people are what really matter in my life. My weekend was topped off with an awesome conversation with a friend who is in China. I felt rejuvenated.
Is that rest? Or is it shucking responsibility? I'm sitting on this verse: So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. ~ 2 Corinthians 4:18. I figure whatever is best and rest will come out of that. Whether, I need a kick in the butt to get going, or a hand on the collar to get me to stop. If my focus is on the eternal, God will work it out.
Sheesh...after another kick in the pants, I prepare for another. "Rest is more than a stop from working, it is actively seeking God and His rest." Pastor Scott asked us to honestly evaluate our weeks. Are we lazy? Or are we mistakenly believing that we must squeeze every ounce of productivity that we can out of every single moment?
Sometimes I think it is both. I get distracted easily and don't always use my time effectively when I need to, and then end up stressed because I procrastinated. Other times, I end up carrying a burden where I never stop to trust that if something doesn't get done that things will be okay. That God will work it out.
Then I also wondered about my weekend. It was full of time with friends. Friday night I got to go to a high school play to watch a good friend and then spend time playing games after. Saturday during the day, I did some work on my research and some other projects, but then that night, I went with friends to a great dinner and then live music. I often wonder about the value of entertainment. But I really enjoyed that time. I relaxed and was able to put the workload behind me because the people are what really matter in my life. My weekend was topped off with an awesome conversation with a friend who is in China. I felt rejuvenated.
Is that rest? Or is it shucking responsibility? I'm sitting on this verse: So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. ~ 2 Corinthians 4:18. I figure whatever is best and rest will come out of that. Whether, I need a kick in the butt to get going, or a hand on the collar to get me to stop. If my focus is on the eternal, God will work it out.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Something Missing
God uses all things for good.
As I have spent the last few months processing the reality of living with muscular dystrophy, God has spoken directly into how that physical condition is representative of the spiritual condition I have often found myself in.
Let me explain first what exactly is going on physically. This is a genetic disorder where the mutation basically makes it so the muscle cell membranes are faulty. What this means is that when muscle tissue breaks down like it usually does with normal use and exercise, it cannot rebuild itself properly and this causes weakening rather than the strengthening effect that normally happens.
Okay folks, I hope you are still following me.
In our walk with Jesus, it sometimes seems like there is something missing too. We work and work and work, but there seems to be no fruit, no growth, and, at times, that we are even going backwards. We get things in our minds, but it doesn't translate into transformation. Why is this? What is missing?
Is it discipline? I don't think so. Is it prayer? I'd be the first one to say there is a lack of prayer but that isn't exactly the answer to this question.
I think it is a Galatians 2:20 heart. We are still fighting to live for ourselves. We don't die so that Jesus can live in us and exert His power through us. We are weak because we don't let Jesus be strong.
When Jesus tells Paul that His grace is sufficient for the trials and daily grind, Paul gets it: " Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses so that the power of Christ may rest on me."
The something missing is the power and life of Jesus. The troubles and trials will come. Jesus told us they would. The daily grind takes our hearts out. But Jesus has overcome, so must choose to die to myself so that Christ may live and reign. There lies the key to growth and sanctification.
As I have spent the last few months processing the reality of living with muscular dystrophy, God has spoken directly into how that physical condition is representative of the spiritual condition I have often found myself in.
Let me explain first what exactly is going on physically. This is a genetic disorder where the mutation basically makes it so the muscle cell membranes are faulty. What this means is that when muscle tissue breaks down like it usually does with normal use and exercise, it cannot rebuild itself properly and this causes weakening rather than the strengthening effect that normally happens.
Okay folks, I hope you are still following me.
In our walk with Jesus, it sometimes seems like there is something missing too. We work and work and work, but there seems to be no fruit, no growth, and, at times, that we are even going backwards. We get things in our minds, but it doesn't translate into transformation. Why is this? What is missing?
Is it discipline? I don't think so. Is it prayer? I'd be the first one to say there is a lack of prayer but that isn't exactly the answer to this question.
I think it is a Galatians 2:20 heart. We are still fighting to live for ourselves. We don't die so that Jesus can live in us and exert His power through us. We are weak because we don't let Jesus be strong.
When Jesus tells Paul that His grace is sufficient for the trials and daily grind, Paul gets it: " Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses so that the power of Christ may rest on me."
The something missing is the power and life of Jesus. The troubles and trials will come. Jesus told us they would. The daily grind takes our hearts out. But Jesus has overcome, so must choose to die to myself so that Christ may live and reign. There lies the key to growth and sanctification.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Why "Seek, Fight, Pray"
It's the ache in my chest that puts me on my knees.
It's the joy of refuge
It's that moment when I realize God had been at work all along
It is the call that keeps repeating
It is the desire to see chains break
It's seeing mourning turn into dancing
It is the body I am a part of that rallies to whomever when the call is sounded
It is living my life in worship as I will for all eternity with my Savior
Seek: The treasure is God. He is what my heart longs for. My sinfulness, perverts that desire and I will seek good things as though they are God. Satisfaction is only fully met in Jesus. When I ache, when I long, it is an act of will to seek God. To surrender myself to Him.
Fight: This seeking is not unopposed. Satan would nothing more to keep me from loving and worshipping God. He tries to turn those longings into sin, which put up a barrier between me and God. I fight with the Truth of who God is. I let Jesus fight for my heart. I fight for others because I want them to know too.
Pray: What better place to be than before the throne of God? In prayer, I know and am known. Satan can't use what I have confessed and acknowledged before the throne. I cast myself on God's mercy...
It's the joy of refuge
It's that moment when I realize God had been at work all along
It is the call that keeps repeating
It is the desire to see chains break
It's seeing mourning turn into dancing
It is the body I am a part of that rallies to whomever when the call is sounded
It is living my life in worship as I will for all eternity with my Savior
Seek: The treasure is God. He is what my heart longs for. My sinfulness, perverts that desire and I will seek good things as though they are God. Satisfaction is only fully met in Jesus. When I ache, when I long, it is an act of will to seek God. To surrender myself to Him.
Fight: This seeking is not unopposed. Satan would nothing more to keep me from loving and worshipping God. He tries to turn those longings into sin, which put up a barrier between me and God. I fight with the Truth of who God is. I let Jesus fight for my heart. I fight for others because I want them to know too.
Pray: What better place to be than before the throne of God? In prayer, I know and am known. Satan can't use what I have confessed and acknowledged before the throne. I cast myself on God's mercy...
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